Tuesday, June 5, 2012

A New Start

So, I feel like I am starting the whole journey over again as of today.  My husband and I got up early and went to the gym.  I walked (slowly) for 45 minutes straight.  I was a little frustrated at walking so slow, but felt if I went faster I wouldn't have been able to make it as long.  Plus, for the last 3 days my calf muscles have been crying out because of all the stairs/walking I did on Saturday.  They are still sore today!  I was feeling I was going as fast as I could, but was pissed at myself for not going faster because I started out at faster than that at the beginning of the year!

I have gained back alot of the weight I had lost.  I am only down a total of 11 pounds since my start at the first of the year.  But I am starting over.  I am determined to do what works for me.  Weighing every day works for me.  The ViSalus shakes work for me.  Working out works for me.  Counting the days does not work for me.  So, as of today, I will not be posting how many days I have been going (and let's face, I lost count a month or so ago!).  I will however, be posting my weight.  Today's weight was 285.6 pounds.  I have dealt with the fact that I may not reach my initial goal of losing 125 pounds by the end of the year.  But there are lots of people out there that lose 100 pounds in 6 months, and do it healthy.  So, I have no excuses not to reach my goal.  I am still gung ho on reaching that, but I am resigned to the fact that it just may not happen.  So whatever weight I reach, I will reach it healthy.  I will eventually reach the 125 pounds lost mark, but it may not be this year.  Small goals will be set, and I will reach them as I can.  I will be smart about what I eat, how I fuel my body, and the rest will come!

Someone asked me the other day what I was waiting for.  That I can make the choices or make the excuses.  And I know I have had so many lately.  I own up to the fact that I "cannot" find the way to make it to the gym.  Also, I think a part of me is kinda scared.  I have never been fit, or skinny or whatever you want to call it.  My husband always asks me when I lose all this weight, if I will still be with him or go find some hot young stud?!  I think I have that same fear... when I lose all this weight (and he has never seen me fit...) is he still gonna want me?  I know that is kinda a really irrational fear, cuz who wouldn't want a hot wife, right?

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