Friday, July 13, 2012

Long Time No See

It has been awhile since I have posted on here.  Just thought I would write a quick note to let you know I am still alive!  I have still been drinking my shakes, most days twice a day, sometimes once a day.   The problem has been that I have been at the ball field most nights of the week, busy catching up on housework on the weekends (as well as trying to catch up rest, sleep and sanity.  Had some changes at work, so now I am training a new person to do my old job, as well as learning a new position, and working an extra hour a day there. 

As well as the fact that I have not been eating dinners and snacks like I should.  Have been eating junk food, drinking soda and sweet tea.

I am over 6 months into this year, and have only lost a total of probably 10 pounds.  I have not weighed recently, so that may not even be accurate.  I am so disappointed in myself, but life has gotten in the way so many times, that it is easier to just give in. 

Willpower is a problem.  Especially for me.  I know I have to make getting fit my life, but I have lived 33 years unfit, and the change is hard.  I never said it was going to be easy, and I am ready to make the change.  I see the difference in my body now that I have gained some of the weight back.  I feel like my stomach sticks out even more than it used to.  It makes me sick.  But I feel so defeated.  I am getting up at 5:30 am to be at work early, getting off at 5:00 pm, either to the ball fields or home first, then to the fields, practice for 2 hours, then home for dinner and trying to relax a bit before bed. 

We have a little over 2 more weeks of baseball.  I am hoping once that slows down a bit, I can get back into the gym after workdays.  I was trying to go in the morning, but that only happened two or three times, then kaput.

I don't know if anyone is still reading this, but if you are please know that I know that you are probably going through the same things I am.  And you are probably making time for the gym, and I am not.  I know alot of people out there who make time, but I just can't seem to right now.  I know part of that is my energy levels, and most of that problem is my diet.  I will change it, but for now convenience food is of course more convenient. 

Don't give up on me.  I haven't given up on myself, even though I don't like the choices I am making and am disappointed in myself.  I will keep on trying, and will succeed eventually!

Friday, June 15, 2012

Running Behind

As usual.... I have been pretty lax in my blogging lately, and that is because I have been completely exhausted from baseball games every stinkin' night of the week and practices twice on Saturday.  SO, have made a statement to my husband that come Monday I will be eating nothing that I am not supposed to.  Have been eating at the ball field alot... snacks and stuff.  Will either have to eat at home/work before the games, take a small (healthy) snack with me, and/or eat when I get home at 9:00 pm.  Gonna suck, and take some more energy, but hopefully eating better and getting (slowly) back to the gym... all will be well.

So, hope to see you more next week, and every week after!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Another Day Closer...

I had the day off from work yesterday to get some things accomplished.  Met with a friend in the morning for a hopefully lucrative new venture, then hung out with my hubby, and then the dentist.  Always love getting good news (:P), ie. root canal, deep cleaning, and a crown needed. Yippee for me!

We got up early this morning (5:00 a.m.) and went to the gym.  That gives us time to get there and back, and to work out for about 45 minutes to an hour.  Might have to start getting up earlier once I get back into this, there were times when I needed an hour and a half to get all my stuff done.  So we shall see how the morning routine sticks it out.  I did walk a bit faster today.  Tuesday was at 2.0 mph and a 2.0 incline, today was at 2.5 mph and a 1.5 incline starting out, then went up to 2.7 mph.  I will get back to where I was, just have to take it one step at a time...  I definitely still need to work on my food choices.  The shakes are working well for me, I am not hungry on them, they fill me up, and taste great, of course.  It's the time in between the end of work at dinner time that is an obstacle for me.  Especially when I am at the ball field almost every night.  I get a little hungry, and of course don't have any healthy snacks with me, so I get some nachos, or a pretzel, or a candy bar... and then I eat dinner when we get home.

Having some issues with my scale.  Not sure it is because of the uneven boards in my bathroom or because it is ready for a new battery, but this morning I weighed first at 286.4 and was so disgusted.  Then my husband asked what was wrong, so I told him that I had gained weight.  He then told me he weighed the other day 3 times in a 5 minute period, and each time was different.  So I wiped off the bottom of the scale, put it on a flatter spot on the floor and re-weighed, and weighed in at 285.2 pounds.  Which is 0.4 pounds down from Tuesday.  My hands were really swollen again this morning (was hardly able to move my rings), so really need to start watching my salt I guess.

Time is short today, so that will be all.  Baseball again tonight.  Hopefully once that is all done, I will be able to get myself a bit more organized so this can go a bit smoother and quicker.  Just never seems to get done with all the other stuff going on...

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

A New Start

So, I feel like I am starting the whole journey over again as of today.  My husband and I got up early and went to the gym.  I walked (slowly) for 45 minutes straight.  I was a little frustrated at walking so slow, but felt if I went faster I wouldn't have been able to make it as long.  Plus, for the last 3 days my calf muscles have been crying out because of all the stairs/walking I did on Saturday.  They are still sore today!  I was feeling I was going as fast as I could, but was pissed at myself for not going faster because I started out at faster than that at the beginning of the year!

I have gained back alot of the weight I had lost.  I am only down a total of 11 pounds since my start at the first of the year.  But I am starting over.  I am determined to do what works for me.  Weighing every day works for me.  The ViSalus shakes work for me.  Working out works for me.  Counting the days does not work for me.  So, as of today, I will not be posting how many days I have been going (and let's face, I lost count a month or so ago!).  I will however, be posting my weight.  Today's weight was 285.6 pounds.  I have dealt with the fact that I may not reach my initial goal of losing 125 pounds by the end of the year.  But there are lots of people out there that lose 100 pounds in 6 months, and do it healthy.  So, I have no excuses not to reach my goal.  I am still gung ho on reaching that, but I am resigned to the fact that it just may not happen.  So whatever weight I reach, I will reach it healthy.  I will eventually reach the 125 pounds lost mark, but it may not be this year.  Small goals will be set, and I will reach them as I can.  I will be smart about what I eat, how I fuel my body, and the rest will come!

Someone asked me the other day what I was waiting for.  That I can make the choices or make the excuses.  And I know I have had so many lately.  I own up to the fact that I "cannot" find the way to make it to the gym.  Also, I think a part of me is kinda scared.  I have never been fit, or skinny or whatever you want to call it.  My husband always asks me when I lose all this weight, if I will still be with him or go find some hot young stud?!  I think I have that same fear... when I lose all this weight (and he has never seen me fit...) is he still gonna want me?  I know that is kinda a really irrational fear, cuz who wouldn't want a hot wife, right?

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Day 27 of 90

So tomorrow marks 4 weeks into my challenge.  Again, not looking forward to weighing in.  Still haven't been getting to the gym, still haven't been doing the videos at home.  Have been trying to walk at the ball park, but doesn't always happen. 

I feel like this blog has just became a whining board for me.  I don't ever seem to be getting anywhere, and I know that is my own fault.  I am sorry for those of you that read this!

I only have 2 more weeks or so of ball games, hopefully the gym portion of my journey will open back up a bit!  I had some more tools given to me by Kassi with the ViSalus company.  She hooked me up with some protein packed chocolate chip cookies, which are divine, as well as some energy "stuff" and some appetite control.  Today is the first day using these tools.  The one thing I can say so far... I took one of the energy packets at lunch as I was yawning during my lunch hour.  I don't remember yawning since.  I wasn't really feeling tired, just yawning.  But again, no yawning. 

Things have been a little crazy around my house lately, I have had alot of things going on, alot of things NOT going on, and it has been a little stressful and hectic.  I am hoping things will get back on track soon.  Wish it was something I had control over, then I would just fix it.  But alas, tis not... so I will wait it out, and hope for some good news soon.

Thanks to everyone for hanging with me on this journey.  It hasn't really been going as planned- weight loss, working out, cooking, or this blog, but I will get it lined out soon.  It's a trial and error, seems like more error than trial on my part, but still working for it!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Day 20 of 90

Tomorrow will be 3 weeks into my challenge.  I am not looking forward to weighing myself tomorrow.  I will measure tomorrow as well.  I am hoping for some change in inches, as the scale is betraying me!  LOL  I am a little scared that the inches will not have changed either, but that is completely my fault too, so no one to blame but me!  I think my mindset has taken a vacation.  At the beginning of the year, I was going to the gym everyday.  I enjoyed going to the gym everyday.  It's not that I have changed my mindset, I still want to see this through.  I just think that it's taken some time off.  And I don't really have time for that.  I have a certain goal, and unfortunately, I am not sure I will reach my initial goal by the end of the year.  I just have to get my mind, body, and heart back on track and I can reach my goal.  Maybe not by the end of the year, but I will reach it nonetheless.  

I am the creator of my own destiny.  I am the one that makes the decisions on how I live my life.  And I want to live my life to the fullest.  With that being said, decisions on my part need to be made.  Motivation and determination need to be the new mindset.  I know how hard it is growing up overweight.  I don't want my kids to have to endure that pain and rejection that many of us have went through.  On a positive note, being overweight through school has "toughened" me up a bit.  Things don't get to me like they used to.  When something happens that I don't like, I deal with it and move on.  I don't dwell on things too long.  I have learned that being upset about what people say about you, or dwelling on an argument you have had, just takes time away from you being happy or being productive.  I have been ridiculed my entire life, mostly over my weight.  But let me tell you one thing... I promise I know what it is like.  I have went through it all.  In school, not only was I overweight, but I wore glasses, and had braces.  So trust me... I have been where you have been, I have went through what you have went through.  

When you look in the mirror, see what you want to see.  See what's in the inside, and it will project to the outside.  As long as you are happy with who you are, inside and out, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.  

I am overdue on my readiness for change.  I have been ready for change for years.  I just haven't really worked for the change.  I will get my motivation back, whether it likes it or not!  I just have to be tough with it.  I have to be tough with myself.  I will have to deprive myself of the things that I think I want.  That cookie, that cake, those chips are not worth it.  Today, the change comes back!!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Day 19 of 90

So really feeling down in the dumps.  I cannot seem to stop eating.  The scale is not moving down, in fact it is creeping back up.  Still not back to my starting weight of this 90 day challenge, but close.  My stress has taken a huge toll on my willpower.  I am craving all kinds of junk, cookies, candy, cakes, chips... it's not good!

And I am SOOOO tired!  I know part of it is because I forget to take my vitamins.  Something about the days I take them, I am not quite as tired, but most of it is because I am being sedentary.  I was almost never TIRED when I was working out.  I may have been exhausted, or worn out, but never tired.   So, here's the plan...

With all the ball games and other things going on right now, it is just not feasible for me to go to the gym after work like I had been.  I love going to the classes I was going to, but they start right after work on days that I have ball games on some nights.   Every week the game schedule is different, so it is hard to make a schedule of my own.  So, the day will just have to start early.  I can do early.  I get up at 5:30 am on Saturday mornings so my boys can be at ball practice by 7:00.  I guess I can do that any other day. 

People have asked me if I plan to stay on the shakes the rest of my life.  The answer is I don't know.  There are people that have lost weight, then maintained with one shake a day.  If you love the shakes that much, why not have it for breakfast?  Then maintain a healthy eating habit the rest of the day.  When not stressed (for me) the shakes gave me energy, they made me feel better.  So, I don't know what the answer is right now, but I don't have to figure that out yet.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Day 14 of 90

So today marks 2 weeks in on the 90-day challenge.  I am not doing so hot, though.  I am actually up a pound from last week.  That means my total lost for the 90 days is 1 1/2 pounds so far.  Very disappointed in myself, but that is ok.  I am feeling so super stressed lately, and my face is really showing it.  I am broken out so bad, I feel like I am 15 again. 

Today is my birthday, and I wish I could feel better about myself.  I am upset with myself for eating like I did over the weekend.  And for the snacks that I should be eating, healthy snacks instead of crackers and such.  I know I should move on, but when the scale doesn't move, it's like my motivation is stuck with it.  I just don't know how to change that. 

I have clothes to change into tonight, and the plan is to walk laps before my son's baseball game.  It's just so hard when there are people that stop to talk or something like that. 

I know the scale hasn't moved much, but my clothes feel slightly different, so even if the pounds are moving on the scale, they are moving in the body.  And that is the most important thing.  I still love my shakes.  They fill me up so well.  It's the snacking (when I am not hungry) that is giving me pains.  I am so jealous of women that can eat whatever they want and not gain any weight.  And there are some out there, I know a few of them. 

Time to move forward.  Time to get this together.  Actions, not words!  I can do this!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Day 12 of 90

Ok, so I am going to stop counting the days into the year I am, and right now focus on the days I am into the 90-day challenge.  Gets too confusing the other way.

I haven't weighed since last Thursday.  New weigh-in day is 2 days away.  I am really concerned about it.  I have some extra things weighing on my mind these days, and Sunday my good food choices were nowhere to be found!  Hubby and I were both just feeling the need for junk.  I don't really know what it was, but just ate a bunch of stuff I didn't even want, and of course they were horrible choices. 

I have said in the past that I don't normally eat emotionally, but I think this is the exception to my rule.  I don't know what it has been here recently, but with stuff going on in our lives, I have been a bit more stressed than normal (especially since I am really good at letting things roll off my back, not worrying about a whole lot, just a "what will be, will be" mentality!)  Not only have I not been eating properly, I have not been exercising, and making up almost any kind of excuse not to... which makes for a grouchy, exhausted Billie.  Not good! 

I am in such a self-loathing state of mind right now.  I am hating myself for letting myself fall back into the no-workout routine.  I loved going to the gym, and it was part of my routine at the first of the year... now it seems I can't hardly get the energy to walk around the ball field a couple times.  And it is nothing but the fact that I am not exercising.  I still feel great taking the shakes.  I have not hunger pangs, just making bad choices.  They fill me up completely, and have not been craving anything (well except for Sunday, just had a hankerin' for junk then...).  I still get to eat normal food, so I am not depriving myself of anything.  I just don't get it. 

This is probably why me working out at home has never worked out.  Because I find reasons not to.  I have all kinds of workout videos at home, just never seem to a) get them done in the first place or, b) continue them on a routine basis.

Well, I hope things get better.  This stress stuff is for the birds! 

Friday, May 4, 2012

Day 123 or Day 8 of 90

So today is Day 8 of the 90-day challenge.  I weighed in yesterday at 276.8 pounds, which is 2 1/2 pounds down from day 1 of the challenge.  My husband is down 4 pounds and our friend that started the challenge with us was down 3 pounds.  That is without any exercise on at least mine and my husband's part.  Not because we don't want to, just because we have been so busy with ball games and practice, and general life...

Again back to the organizational skills of myself... just need to schedule it in and do it, just not sure when I will have that opportunity.  I will probably start working out at home, because games are always after work, and practice is at 7:30 am on Saturdays!  Way too early.  I definitely just need to walk on those Saturday mornings instead of sitting and watching.  That's what games are for...

The shake thing is going great.  I definitely need to get more recipes down, and get the stuff to keep on hand to make more than just the 4 or 5 I have been making.  Not that I don't love the shakes I am making, because I do, but the hubby likes more variety than I do... LOL.

I got my three people to sign up under me, so my shake mix for the next month is FREE!  Who doesn't love FREE?!

This is the year than my beginnings are bygones.  I am ready to make my ending whatever I want it to be.  Not what it was going to be, which was probably shorter than anyone wanted.  I want to be here to enjoy my kids and grandkids.  I want to be able to play with them, not just hold them and look at them...

I can see the road ahead, and it is a long one.  But it is a bright one.  It is lined with good intentions, and great health.  It was funny this morning, my friend, Deanna told me that I could borrow her skinny shorts (size 4) when I lose all my weight.  I told her that if I ever got down to a size 4, she better expect me on her doorstep with hands outstretched!  I doubt I will ever make a size 4, and that is ok with me.  I am looking for health, at whatever size that comes in.  I just know it's not the size I am right now!

I hope everyone takes advantage of the gorgeous weekend we have coming up.  Get out at move (as I will aspire to do on Saturday morning)!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Day 120- 5 of 90-day Challenge

So, this is day 120 of the journey as a whole.  I know I promised pictures, and I have them, but they are not where I would want them to be.  Which is ok, as it is a work in progress and I am working (if not slowly) towards the goal.  What I have is a before and after shot, as close to the original pose as possible.  I will post at the end of this, if nothing else but to make you read the whole thing... LOL!

It is Day 5 of my 90-day Challenge.  I am not feeling as good as I did a few weeks ago when I was on my samples, but I am almost positive that is because of it being that time of the month.  I don't know what it is, but the last couple years, I get exhausted, and weak, and crabby of course.  I with there was something that would take care of that!  And I think I am doing it.  Losing weight will help, I am told. 

I haven't weighed back in since I started my 90 day challenge.  I am trying to be good, and only weigh in once a week or so.  That week is not until Thursday.  We shall see if I can wait that long.  Still doing pretty good with meals with the family.  Haven't been too horrible.  We did go to a going away party for my husband's cousin, and I did indulge in a hamburger and a hot dog.  YUM! 

This morning I had a peanut butter cup for breakfast, and of course my fave, a banana cream pie for lunch.  Not sure what I will have for dinner, as I forgot to lay something out of the freezer....

I am going to have to start getting back to the gym, or walking on the nights the boys have ball games or something.  This weight is not coming off like it should.  And it would help with the tiredness I am feeling at the moment.  I am going to try to do the Insanity videos.  I haven't tried those yet, so we shall see how that goes.  If all goes well, I should see some real results!  That is, if I don't have a heart attack while doing them.... LOL.

Ok, so here are the pictures.  I am going to cut this off for today.  It has been crazy at work, and I normally write during my lunch hour, but that has been a little crazy lately too.  So, trying to squeeze this in whenever I can...

Friday, April 27, 2012

Day 116 - - Day 2 of 90

So today is Day 2 of my 90-day Body By Vi Challenge.  I am feeling pretty good.  I don't think I slept very well last night, my eyes are very tired today.  Could be the fact that we were at the ball field again last night, and the pollen and grass got to me!

Yesterday, I had a Vanilla Coffee and a Pumpkin Pie shake.  Today was a Fruit Smoothie and Banana Cream Pie.  I do love these shakes.  They are way too yummy to be good for you.  I haven't had a hunger pang yet. 

My husband is doing it as well.  He loves it too!  He hasn't had any issues of hunger or anything else either.  He normally has issues of low blood sugar, if he doesn't eat every couple hours, he gets the shakes, and headaches, etc.  He has had no issues with these so far! 

Today is short and sweet, been a little hectic today, so I don't have much time.  Just thought I would check in with everyone and let you know things are going great! 

I did take before photos of my 90-day challenge, and that is in addition to the before photos I had taken at the first of the year.  Only about 20 pounds difference in the two photos, but you can see the difference.  I will post those later.

Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Day 114

So, my Visalus shake mix finally got here today!  I am so excited.  I was feeling junk-foody yesterday, so I had Chinese for lunch.  Bad Girl, I know.  I have been super tired and lagging all this week.  I can't wait to get shakin' tomorrow, get my energy back, and start losing some real pounds!

I went to a class last night at Abs & Glutes, and let me tell you I am feeling both of those things, as well as every other muscle in my body today!  It was great and I felt good afterwards, other than not being able to move much! LOL  I have a ball game next Tuesday, but will be going back as much as I can.  That class works so much, surely it will help!  Plus need to start back working out regularly, it's just so hard to do that when I have ball games on different nights each week.  But I will get to it, will figure out what I have to do to get the most benefit from the Shake Challenge and working out!

I am excited about this challenge.  It's a 90-day Challenge, starts tomorrow, and my husband is doing it with me.  I have one other person signed up with me, and her shipment will hopefully be here today as well!  I am just so tired as I write this right now, my eyes are droopy and heavy, and I could really just go home and take a nap.  I can't wait to start shakin' tomorrow so I can have the energy I had last week!  And it's a great time to start these, because that wonderful time of the month is coming too soon, and my energy ALWAYS lags when that comes around.

Again, if you are interested in more information about the Body By Vi Shake Challenge, please log onto: and watch the short informational video!  It's taking the country by storm!

Monday, April 23, 2012

Day 112

So I ordered my shakes last week.  And so did my husband.  The shipments are supposed to be here tomorrow.  I haven't weighed in, but that is just because I am waiting to do so the day I start my "real" 90-day challenge.  I weighed and measured last week to see how well my samples did and was amazed.

We were busy, busy people this weekend.  We had our annual Dogwood Festival here in town, so we watched the parade, walked to the school where they have all the craft booths set up, browsed around those, played catch with the boys...  Sunday, I cleaned my office, went grocery shopping, made homemade laundry soap, did laundry and made homemade and low-cal Ranch dressing!!  It is yummy!!

Homemade Ranch Dressing
1 cup plain Greek yogurt
1 pkg Ranch dressing mix (make sure you get the dressing and not the dip)
1/2 cup 1% milk

Whisk all together and done!  Very easy, and the amount it makes, for the whole bottle of it, is less than 300 calories!!

Yes, I ate fair food.  There is only so many times a year you can get a good funnel cake, so I had one, but I shared it with my husband!  And we ate out a couple times, and I didn't get the best thing I could, and I am ok with it.  I know I could have made better choices, but at that time I didn't want to. Those were the decisions I made, I have to own up to them and I do.

I am out of my Visalus shake mix, but I made myself a butterscotch protein shake this morning, and was hungry by 10:00.  I don't know what the difference is between the protein shake and the Visalus, but I never felt hungry with the Visalus.  So, I can't wait til my shipment gets here and I can get this ball rolling.    I am having a salad for lunch, with my homemade Ranch.

We have ball games on Monday and Thursday this week, so I am hoping to go to some classes tomorrow and Wednesday to workout.   Still have the "Insanity" dvd's, and if I start those, it needs to be today (on a Monday).  We shall see how I feel after we get home from the ballpark and fix dinner!

This is a bit of a short one one today.  Hope everyone had a great weekend.  Good things to come!!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Day 108-276.8 pounds

So I am down exactly 5 pounds from Sunday.  I know I wasn't supposed to weigh, but it's like a habit now, so I just do it.  I did go to Zumba last night, had a great time, sweated like a dog, and didn't fall down!  I am in the process of ordering my Shape Kit from Body by Vi, and can't wait for it to get here...

We had a lot of conversation rolling on my facebook group yesterday.  About what works for you, and if you are depriving yourself or looking for a "quick fix."  With these shakes, I don't feel like I am depriving myself of anything.  I am the first one to say that the "quick fixes" don't work!  I have tried almost every diet plan and pill that you can imagine.  I finally got it in my brain that those are not going to work for me.  But neither does planning out meals, that I normally don't have time to fix or won't keep in my work refrigerator.  I am not a planner.  It just doesn't work for me.  So, I keep on hand the stuff to make 20 different kinds of these shakes, and guess what.... 5 pounds in 4 days.

If these stop working for me, then I will have to reevaluate.  Just like I did with the Slim Fast I was on.  Those worked for awhile, then made me feel sluggish and having pains.  I stopped taking them, and I was fine.  The healthier eating was working for me for awhile, I spent 2 hours one Sunday making my own "Egg McMuffin" so I could eat something filling and healthy.  And it was good.  But little by little I have slid back into the routine that if I don't have cereal in the house, or the time to eat it, I eat a fruit and grain bar (170 calories of NO nutrition) and coffee, then be starving by lunch, eating my leftovers from the night before (which are not bad for me), but still carving a candy bar or soda.  I have not craved a candy bar or soda yet.  The girls at work wanted one, went next door and bought... someone even offered to buy mine, but I said no.  I just didn't have the desire for chocolate right then.  And that is a Herculean feat, let me tell you!

Just got my kit ordered, and a kit for my husband!  We are excited to get started!

For more information, log onto:

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Day 106- 278.2 pounds

Down another 0.8 pounds from yesterday.  I had a mocha shake this morning, and am in the process of wishing there were more of my lunch shake, which is banana cream pie.  Swear to God, it tastes just like a big ol' fluffy pie with whipped cream on top!  My new fave!   I can't wait to order my first shipment on Thursday!

I am so proud of my friend, Erin, who reached one of her personal goals today.  And it's a big one!  She has worked so hard!  Congratulations, girl!

I really want to go to some of the classes one of my gyms offers, but with baseball games and practices, it is making it very difficult.  Would love to go to the one tonight, called Power Pump, but my oldest son has his first baseball game tonight, and if I went to class, I would miss it!  Tomorrow night is just a practice, so I might try to go to the Zumba class tomorrow night, hopefully I can still keep up!!

As for my energy level, it is pretty good.  I did drink a Dr. Pepper yesterday, not really because I was craving one, but because my head kinda hurt, and it was about the time I would normally have one, so I figured it was the withdrawal from the caffeine my body  normally has at that time.  Unfortunately, it didn't really help...  I am chalking it up to the "detox" part of these shakes.  It has so much good stuff for you in them, that it clears all the bad stuff out of your body.  I think it was that, because even after dinner (a real meal of chicken quesadillas, YUM), it was still hurting a bit.  I don't seem to be as tired or "worn out" as I have been.  I still want to sleep in, but hopefully the longer I do these, the better that gets and I can maybe have a workout before work!  But at night, I am usually just ready to fall down, don't really want to cook dinner, just want to veg on the couch.  But last night was different.  Wasn't tired or worn out, but when bedtime rolled around, was definitely ready for sleep.  Which is good, sometimes I feel so tired, but when I get ready for bed, no sleep!

I just am so proud of my friend.  She said that I was her inspiration, as several other people have, but they don't realize how much of an inspiration they are to me.  Some of them that started after me have lost more, and that's because they kept at it no matter what!  I haven't really done that.  I have fallen off the wagon more than once!  But it is them who keep me going, who keep me wanting to be fit, and help motivate me more!

Monday, April 16, 2012

Day 105- 279 pounds

So, I started my shakes yesterday that my friend was so gracious in letting me try out first.  I weighed in at 281.8 yesterday morning, and down to 279 today.  WOW.  And the fact that they taste like candy, or decadent coffee, or fruit smoothies, or whatever you want them to taste like!!  I had a vanilla caramel frappuccino and a Butterfinger yesterday.  The first one was OK, not as much flavor as I personally thought it would have, but still tasted good (and as I told my husband, it was much better tasting than a "light" at Starbucks!!)  The Butterfinger one really surprised me.  It really tasted like a candy bar.  I let my whole family taste that one, and my kids are like, "Mom, can we start drinking those too??"

Today was a Tropical Pineapple, and now a Peanut Butter Cup for lunch.  The pineapple one, again, was ok, probably will put more fruit in it next time, but still was very good.  The peanut butter cup is amazing!  Taste's just like a Reese's.

I think I am going to do the 90 day challenge.  I already have some people that want info on it, so they  might try it as well.  And the more people we get doing it, the more free stuff for all of us.  I love saving money, and if it is going to help me lose weight in the process, then I am all for it!


So, not sure how many workouts I will be able to put in this week.  Trying to get back into the habit of working out and going to the gym, but we have a baseball game on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, and practice on Wednesday and Saturday.  Whoo!

I think I will go ahead and end this for today.  Will be back tomorrow!  If anyone else is interested in getting on board with this shake... let me know.  The more people we can get healthy, the better!

Friday, April 13, 2012

Day 102-282 pounds

This is me, gaining and losing the same weight.  Again, still haven't gotten back on track on the exercise, but that should be forthcoming.  Also, have my "test drive" shakes on the way this afternoon, so will be starting them soon too. 

I need to get serious about writing down my goals, getting my vision board up and running.  This weekend, with all the rain might just be a great time to be working on that.  Hopefully that will also help with the motivation!

The will power thing is another one I am struggling with.  I have never had much of it, so it is a stretch for me.  But I am hoping that the shakes do something for me, I have heard they are quite addicting, as well as great tasting, you can make them taste like candy.... so hopefully...

I am going to keep this short and sweet, as it has been a crazy busy day.  Just wanted to keep up, and let you all know I am still trying... still working...

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Day 100- 280 pounds

Down from yesterday again.  I am thinking of modifying my plan a bit.  Maybe not weighing every day.  I don't know how that will work though, it seems to make me more aware of what I have or haven't done when I weigh every day... but sometimes it gets me down when the weight hasn't come off like I think it should.  Just pondering that...

I have had a great "show of faith" given to me by an old schoolmate, who is now a Facebook friend and loyal blog follower.  She is involved with the ViSalus Company and has offered me a "test drive" of the shakes to see if I can and want to take them.  Her and I are both hoping that this might be the motivation I need to get back on track.  I am supposed to meet with a friend of hers on Friday afternoon to get my "test drive."  I am pretty excited. 

I know this is part of my problem.  I have not given up, just lost the momentum.  But I see how little I have lost (at least I think so) and how much I could have lost in all this time, and all the weight I have to lose to reach my goal.  It's so easy to focus on the negative... why is that?!? 

We have ball practice tonight.  My husband's back is feeling much better.  I am planning on helping with practice as much as possible, he is still healing!  I am also hoping to be able to walk for a bit while my older son is practicing, so I can get some movement in!  My knee was kinda feeling funny again last night.  I have not been diligent on taking my glucosamine medicine, so I started taking those again, and hopefully walking will get it better. 

I do want to start that class next week.  That's on Tuesdays.  I would love to get back into the Zumba class, but with my husband hurt, that might be a bit of a stretch, as baseball and Zumba are on the same night.  But actual games start soon, and most of those are not on a Wednesday.  So, there's hope!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Day 99- 281 pounds

I am up from last week.  But I have not been exercising and haven't really watched what I have been eating.  We have had a pretty dysfunctional week or two in my house. 

My husband was lifting weights last week (the last time we were at the gym) and someone nudged him in the back in the middle of a "pull-down" and it tore a muscle.  We have spent time in the chiropractor's office, time on the heating pad, ice pack, massaging, everything we could think of to get it better.  Yesterday it was so bad, we spent over 2 hours in the Emergency Room, with lots of pain meds and some muscle relaxers to try to be able to loosen his back muscles up.  X-ray shows no discs out of place or bones broken, etc. so the doc is pretty sure it is torn.  Sent us away with more pain meds and muscle relaxers and the hope that it gets better on its own.  So...lesson of the day....DON'T TOUCH SOMEONE WHILE LIFTING WEIGHTS!!

I am hoping he heals quickly, for his sake and mine :-)

I have mapped out my meals for the next 10 days.  We actually had pizza last night, just because it was 8:00 before we got out of the ER.  But I have some of the recipes I want to post in my menu plan, so I will try them out and post them if they are any good! 

I am planning on going to a new class at one of the gyms here.  It is called Power Pump and is a weight training class.  I also am looking forward to going back to Zumba sometime soon, hopefully when the boys start their baseball games, and don't have practice every Wednesday night. 

My husband and I are going to try to do the INSANITY workout.... it seems kinda crazy, and I am not even sure I can attempt, let alone achieve some of the "moves", but you don't have to do a certain amount, but you just have to do them to the best of your ability for a certain amount of time.  This is hinging on his back healing quickly and starting it in the the next week or two. 

In the meantime, I need to get back to the gym or park and at least be walking.  And I will, it has just been crazy, like I said.  Again, I am going to have to revise my goals.  I still want to lose a total of 125 by the end of the year, but we are getting several months into it, and I am still a long way away from that!  I will just have to focus on what I want, and get the results I need!

 Our destination is never final.  I will have to continue working on my goal to lose and maintain for the rest of my life.  Failing as I have so far (and I have, don't try to make me feel better) is not the end of the world.  But I do have to courage to continue this journey, and hope to finish as a new woman!

Thursday, April 5, 2012


Down again from yesterday.  Getting to the end of the week.  

I thought I might talk about something different today.  

Getting into the topic of what I like to call "upbringing obesity."  
What were we told as kids when we sat down to eat?  
What do we still tell our kids today?  

Finish everything on your plate.  If you eat everything on your plate, you can have dessert (or a treat, or whatever...).  Do we ever let our kids get hungry?  Do we let them feel what it actually feels like physically to be hungry?  
I think not.  

What happens at Christmas, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, Memorial Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Easter, Birthdays, etc.?  We all gather as a family and have dinner, or cake, or a BBQ.  What will I be doing this weekend?  Going over to my grandmother's to spend the Easter holiday with my family.  And what will we be eating???  Traditional food that we have all eaten most of our lives (especially in our area)....FRIED CHICKEN & MASHED POTATOES & PASTA SALAD & STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE & COOKIES & DEVILED EGGS!!!

And for most of us (myself as one of the biggest culprits) it is hard to eat healthy or proportionately at these gatherings.  You fill your plate with so many things, because there are so many things available to eat.  Unfortunately for some in my family, and fortunately for me, there are diabetes issues, some high blood pressure issues, so some of the things made will be sugar free or half & half, so a little better than the full calorie/fat version.  

How many of you out there are guilty of all the things I just mentioned?  No need to raise your hands, as I know personally a lot of the people that read this, and you were raised just like I was.  When my mom made macaroni and cheese, it wasn't a box mix.... (not saying that is any better) it was macaroni noodles, cooked, then with Velveeta, whole milk and butter added to make the final dish.  While delicious, not really the best for you.  

We never baked/broiled our meat dishes.  It was fried chicken, or breaded pork chops, or breaded cube steaks.  It wasn't until I was cooking for a family of my own that I stopped breading everything.  And when I was a kid, do you think my mother ever BAKED her french fries or tater tots?  That would be a disgrace!!  No, we brought out the "fry daddy" and deep fried them bad boys!  I don't "FRY" anything in my house, and haven't for a very long while.  I don't "BREAD" anything.  If I fry something, it is in a non-stick pan with some cooking spray.  I still make cube steaks every once in awhile, but they are NOT breaded.  I have not deep fried anything (besides maybe a time or two) in almost my entire adult life.  But still, I am overweight, my husband wants to lose weight, and one of my children are a little "husky".  Because besides the fact that I don't normally fry anything, we still have meat, potatoes/noodles and no veggies for dinners.  And more than just ONE portion, I have no doubts.  And then there are the desserts... why do they have to taste so good?!?

I know that my husband and I have to be the ones to change for the better, to make our children better eaters in their future.  My husband and I both know what it is like to grow up as overweight kids.  My husband grew out of his when he got into Jr. High and High School, I did not.  I was a size 18 when I went to my senior prom.  We have to be the change to help our children.  We are the ones that need to break the cycle, so our kids don't grow up with the problems that we have, or the ridicule that we experienced.  

I am trying.  We have started adding veggies into our meals.  We have started dishing out "portions" and they have to wait about 15 minutes after they finish that before they can have seconds, to make sure they are still hungry.  And for the most part... I fix what will be right at 4 portions, just enough for us at one portion each.  If they are hungry after that, they have a piece of fruit or something similar.  We have made changes, but there are still those times when the grocery cart seems to gravitate towards the Oreos (propelled mostly by my husband....LOL) and they come home with us.  But we are getting better.  We are making small changes that will reap big rewards.  I have faith in that fact.

They say you can't lose all your weight in the gym.  But I don't and haven't really eaten HORRIBLY for the last several years, and have still gained and gained and gained.  It was only when I started in the gym, and watching my portions more closely that the weight started coming off.  Be the change!  

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Day 93- 281.4 pounds

Down some from yesterday, losing a bit of the water weight I think.  Still doing pretty good on the portion control and not eating whatever I want.  I have not been to the gym, have had some things going on.  More excuses, but I own up to them.  I am sure I could have figured out sometime to go, but it would have been very inconvenient...

I am very un-motivated right now.  I don't really know how to get myself back into the groove I was in when I first started.  I have been thinking about doing some classes, going back to Zumba, and maybe a strength training class.  I don't really enjoy working out with other people, as in a "partner" but I like classes where I can be a part of a group.  Those classes would be two nights a week, so that would leave 3-4 nights I could just walk, or do strength training on my own.  At the beginning of this year, it was like I was getting cheered on by everyone, I would get high fives at the gym, I would get hoots & hollers, and now it's more like I am too far into it, no one really "cheers" anymore, and hasn't for awhile.  I am not saying I expect this, but it was nice and it did motivate me a little more than not.  I am just in a funk, and can't seem to get back out of it right now.  I have to get it in my head and heart that I need to do this, and just do it.  But that is easier said than done!  

I feel out of sorts, this week especially.  Just want to go home and lay down.  Not really depressed, just sorta blah.  I don't really know how else to describe it.  I am not really exhausted, or sore, or whatever.  I just don't feel like doing ANYTHING right now.  

I will bounce back.  I have a huge support system.  I just need to feel it for myself, get more motivation somehow....

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Day 92-283.4 pounds

I am up from last week, but I expected that.  It is that wonderful time of the month, and I always blow up like a balloon, no matter what I do.  Ate pretty good over the weekend, only a few minor slip-ups this time instead of a wreck of the whole weekend.  I haven't been to the gym lately, but have had so much stuff going on, it's been a little crazy!  And those are just excuses, and I know that, and I will deal with it.  

I have been slacking with my writing too.  I feel kinda like I don't have anything to write, because I don't feel like I am making any progress.  I have started gathering recipes (via Pinterest mostly), and will be posting soon with those, just haven't been able to try any yet, and I want to try them before I post them.  I can't believe that it is getting into month 4 and I haven't even lost 15 pounds.  Definitely not on schedule with that!  I am a little disappointed in myself.  And I know some of you that have been cheering me on are a little disappointed for me.  But it is my fault.  I own that.  I make choices that I know aren't going to get me to my goal, and that is something I have to deal with and make the decisions myself.  Keep the faith in me!  I will do this!  Just have to make the changes and stick to them!  I kinda wish we lived in a bigger city, with more store choices, more whole foods markets, more better choices!  

Keep hanging on with me, I know I will get there!

Friday, March 30, 2012

Day 88- 279.4 pounds

Yes, it went up.  Yes, I am ok with it.  My fingers were super swollen last night.  Even though I ate within my calorie goal, I did have Hamburger Helper last night (which is laden with sodium) and it is about 3 days from the start of my "hell week".  I have been really good this week about keeping my portions down, my calories in my allotment, I just have to continue on over the weekend.  

This is a super short post, and I am sorry for that, but have lots to do.  Hope everyone has a great weekend, sounds like it is going to be GORGEOUS here!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Day 87-278.6 pounds

Down just a bit from yesterday, always good to see the downward motion on the scale.  I am currently working on recipes, and have a pretty good sized list right now, but can always use more, so if you have something that is low fat/calorie and that my KIDS would eat, please feel free to send them my way.  My hope is that I will try these recipes, and post them on here, so you can see them, have the recipe and know if they are worth attempting!  

I still have not completed anything on my vision board.  Which is ok, but not ok.  I am a very visual person.  I can read something in a book or on tv and retain it well, you read something to me, or I just hear it somewhere, I have a hard time repeating it, let alone retaining it.  The point is, that I want something that I am going to look at EVERY morning as I am going through my daily routine.  It's ok that I don't have it done, it's just something I will have to work on.  It's not ok that I don't have it done, because I WANT IT DONE!  LOL

I think I am going to have to postpone the 90 day photos, as I haven't really gotten as far as I had hoped.  So maybe I will shoot for 120 days, add another month in there, and see what happens.  My husband and I had a pretty in-depth talk last night.  I told him that we have been making those bad choices on the weekends, and all that does is make me have to start over every freakin' Monday!  I am little tired of that.  So, hopefully he will help me with my menu planning, and keeping on track (cuz some of that is his fault, too!)  We go to the store, and he says, how about some Oreos....OK.  We just need to keep on track over the weekends too, not just weekdays.  Because the weekdays are not the problem, I don't overeat or eat the wrong things during the week, as I am limited to what I have bought and bring to work with me.  

I have come to the understanding that my desire to make this change has not been greater than my desire to stay the same I am.  I have finally reached that point where I am more than disgusted.  I have the desire to be there for my kids, I want to be able to go hiking with them or be able to ride amusement park rides (when and if we ever get to go on vacation!), which I think I am too big to do right now.  The change will come, I will make it come!

I am going to try to change it up a bit at the gym.  I don't think I am pushing myself like I was when I started.  I am not walking as fast as I used to, and that's not because I don't want to, but because I feel I can't.  It seems as if I have gotten in worse shape, and that has a lot to do with going to gym every day for two months, and then not going for 2 1/2 weeks.  It just doesn't work, your body goes into like a hibernation or something, and says, OK time to slow down....ummm no, go faster please!

Going back to something my friend Ashley told me... you have to make small steps.  Don't worry about your workout tomorrow, don't worry about what you are going to eat tomorrow, don't worry about whether you will lose weight tomorrow.  Because when you are worrying about all the things that COULD happen TOMORROW, you are NOT concentrating on what is happening TODAY.  And that takes the strength out of you.


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Day 86- 279 pounds!

So far this is the lowest I have been.  I think I got down to 279.6 before, but I can't keep track.  I have hopped back up on the wagon, and hope to stay there for a very long time.  I know I can do this.  I have so many people that have faith in me, I should have faith in myself.  But that is SO HARD to do, when I have been one of those people who have never had alot of self-esteem.  But it is slowly building.  I think once you have lived with obesity your entire life, you get used to it, you don't think of yourself as "that overweight" or "too big."  I looked at my before photos (which are still saved on my phone, so I can look at them when I feel the need) and thought, WOW, do I really look like that??  The answer was YES YOU DO!  I watch the Biggest Loser religiously, some of those women weigh what I weigh or a little more/little less....and I honestly have thought to myself, even though they weigh EXACTLY what I weigh, I don't look like that.  The response to that is....YES YOU DO!!!  Do something to change it!

This is not about a diet anymore.  This is about a life change.  And I can change it at my pace.  I want it done now, but know that is not going to happen.  So, I vow to make small changes that will change my life for the better.  I want to be happy with my self, I want to be healthy for myself and my family, I want to be energetic with my kids, and hopefully be energetic with my grandkids, I want to FEEL as sexy as my husband thinks I am, and I want to be the person on the outside that I am on the inside!

I went to the gym last night.  I only made it through two rounds of my circuit exercises, and 25 minutes on the treadmill.  By the end of that I was out of breath and exhausted.  It has been awhile since I have been in there working out everyday like I had been, so it is going to take a day or two to get my stamina back up.  I understand that....but I don't have to like it!  In the next several months, it is going to get crazy.  We have baseball practice every Wednesday and Saturday morning, and then when games start we will have games 2-3 nights a week, plus a Saturday practice.  I am going to have to start walking outside at the park, or find a video I can do at home.  Because some nights, I am just not gonna be able to make it to the gym.  And that scares me!  

Quesadillas last night were a hit, as always!  I have posted some pictures of pizza I had a while back that was very good too, and the kids love that as well.  I haven't even made out my menu for the rest of the week, so I can't tell you what is for dinner tonight, but part of me getting up and out to the gym, is also going to have to be getting up and off the couch at home.  There are things I can do besides sit and watch TV or read.  I have a vision board to make, and recipes to try!  Slow changes, just bear with me!!

Hope everyone has had a chance to enjoy the beautiful weather we are having here in mid-Missouri.  It is gorgeous out, just wish I wasn't sitting at a desk for most of the day!

 Make the right choices!  Or at least try to!  
Try your best, and you never fail!

Monday, March 26, 2012

Day 85- 281.4 pounds

I was having some issues with my back last week, it was out and needed the chiropractor's touch.  I finally got it adjusted on Friday afternoon.  My back was hurting so bad, we missed the gym several times last week.  Usually it was making it feel better, but it got so bad, and then it wasn't helping.  I am still down from the last time I posted, which was about a week ago, so that is a good thing!

I haven't been working on my goals I had set for myself either.  I have compiled some recipes I would like to try, but haven't gotten to the actual making of the recipes.  I felt so horrible almost all of last week, it was kinda silly on my part to make those goals.  I went home and sat on the heating pad all night!  

It feels like I am starting over again, again.  Another lost week at the gym.  Another week of not watching what I was eating.  I am not sure how I lost weight over the last week, but I am so thankful I did.  I was dreading getting on that scale this morning, you can't even imagine.  

There is a recipe I will share with you, which will be dinner tonight.  I have been making these for a while now, but just make them now with reduced fat cheese.

Super Cheesy Chicken Quesadillas
Flour Tortillas
Chicken Breast
Jalapenos (optional)

(I am just giving you general amounts, as I don't ever measure any of it but mine, and I make more for my kids because they are PIGS!! LOL)

Cook your chicken (I usually use about a pound, and you can also use the already cooked strips, to make it super fast as well.)  Add about a 1/4 cup of salsa, just to give it the flavor.  Place one tortilla in skillet (no oil needed), top 1/2 with cheese and chicken mixture, cook for 1-2 minutes, then fold over, turn over after another minute and cook another 1-2 minutes or till cheese is melted and tortilla is crispy (to your desired doneness).  Take out of pan onto a cutting board, make triangles with a pizza cutter or knife. (just like the restaurant, and better...according to my boys!)

My family LOVES these!  And if you follow directions on food labels (chicken, cheese, salsa) one quesadilla should be under 500 calories! 

I am officially to the point of being disappointed in myself, ashamed of myself, etc.  We ate so much CRAP that I shouldn't have over the weekend, it's not even funny.  And I found myself eating stuff because it was there, not because I was hungry.  In fact, I told my husband my stomach was hurting because I ate something while I wasn't even hungry!  I feel so weak.  Like I can't break the cycle of eating that way.  And it's my own fault, I buy the stuff!  My willpower has LOTS to be desired.  

I have hope though.  I have the determination and goal set in my heart.  I will make it there!  I just wish my mind & body would follow what my heart has planned! 


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Day 79- 285 pounds

Down some today.  My hands don't seem as swollen.  I am sure that is from all the salt-laden things I shouldn't have eaten over the weekend.  But that is over and done with, and I am moving forward.  

I have decided on a few goals to work on.  I have a "vision board" on Pinterest, but since I don't have internet at home (and the phone app sucks!) I don't see it on a daily basis.  So I will make a "physical" vision board of my own by Monday, and I will post it here for you to see.  This "vision board" is anything that will motivate you, keep you positive, and just a tool to help you see what you want to achieve.  So this can have anything from inspirational sayings, pictures of women that look how you want to look, healthy foods you want to make a part of your routine, etc.  

The next goal, hopefully at least attempted by Monday as well, will be to start posting recipes that I have actually tried.  I see all these good looking recipes, and have posted a few, but have never gotten around to trying any of them!  I will keep you updated on the progress.  I know those goals don't really have a lot to do with the actual weight loss aspect of my journey, but in a big way they do.  Part of my problem is that I am a HUGE SUCCESS at being DISORGANIZED.  I used to plan out meals and make a shopping list, and lately I might jot a few things down, but mostly wing it in the store.  I am a horrible housekeeper, and now it has taken over the rest of me as well.  I would rather throw something in the bottom of the closet than take the time to hang it up.... I know...SHOCKING, right??  LOL

Those are the goals right now.  Hopefully they will be complete by Monday, and I can make a new goal, because God forbid I should make more than one or two at a time, He knows I can't accomplish that! This is a work in progress, weight wise as well as mental.  I am a little afraid to make weight goals.  I am still a bit disgusted and horribly disappointed in myself for my weekend.  I am just scared I won't be able to reach the goals, therefore I am working up to setting those.  

Monday, March 19, 2012

Day 78- 288.2 pounds

I am so disgusted by this morning's weight that I almost didn't post it.  I know that some of it is water weight, my rings are so tight on my fingers, but I know 8 pounds isn't water weight!  I thought I was committed to this, and I tell myself that I am, but every week it seems I have posts like this.  It is easier to be the committed one on the weekdays, when I am not tempted to eat what my kids are eating during the day.  That is the problem.  My husband asked me about my weight this morning and I started crying.  Not because I am depressed about it.  But because I am PISSED about the way I have handled things, and not kept track of the calories on the weekends.  I know it's my fault, and that is what makes me even more mad.  I am the one on this journey, not anyone else.  I am the one that has to be focused on the goal, not worry about what everyone else is eating or not eating.  I have to be the one to make this happen!

I know this is a big change in my life, but it would be much better to not fail at all, but if you do, to make sure you fail better the next time.  Which takes me back to something my friend Ashley was told when she started working at the gym by her trainer (verbatim).  This is such a big change, that the statement "the devil is in the details"  pertains.  He told her not to be so concerned at first about all the details, about the caloric intakes, the exercising, etc.  Just be concerned with doing better than you did the day before (or weeks/months).  If you had a soda yesterday, try not to today.  If you walked for 30 minutes yesterday, try 35 today.  It's not all about the details.  It's about doing better than you did yesterday.  (at least that is what I took out of the story Ashley told me...)  I have not been trying very hard.  I stick to my calorie goals during the week, but slack off over the weekend.  Then what do I have to do during the week...make up for the bad choices I made for 3 days over the next 5 days.  

I think my devil is NOT in the details though.  I agree that when you start a journey, sometimes it's hard to get into the groove.  It's hard to go from eating cheeseburgers and fries and a dr. pepper to turkey burgers on wheat buns with sweet potato fries and water.  But if I don't keep track of my calories, I just eat whatever I want.  I was also telling Ashley that last week I kinda got on my soapbox, and was telling everyone what they should do.... and we all know what we should be doing.  Knowing and doing are two VERY different things though.  As my weight today attests to!

Today is another chance to make the change.  No sense in beating yourself up over choices you made yesterday.  Make the right choices today, and you won't feel that way tomorrow.  I am trying my best.  And I am forever human.  I will make mistakes, I will be tempted, and I will indulge....sometimes.  But not always!  I am disgusted with myself today, but I am eating what I am supposed to today.  I am drinking water today (not sweet tea, like over the weekend...).  I am doing things today that will make me proud tomorrow.  I felt somewhat defeated this morning, but the more I thought about it, the more mad I got at myself.  I am not defeated, because I am not done.  

My will is strong.  I have the desire to continue this journey, and I have the will to make the results happen!  

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Day 74- 280.2 pounds

Down very little from yesterday, but still down.  Walked for about 50 minutes yesterday.  My legs are still so sore from Tuesday, it is just crazy!  I am not really looking forward to tonight, when I have to do the same thing as Tuesday.  OUCH!  But you have to do things you sometimes don't like to do, to get the results you are looking for!

Today is probably going to be pretty short.  Don't have a whole lot going on, nothing new.  Just doing what I do, and hope it keeps going down!  I was talking with Ashley at the gym last night, and it's not that I overeat, it is more that I just eat (too much of) the wrong things.  I don't just eat one brownie, I have two.  I don't just get a small french fry (when that craving hits), I make it a super size.  But I am trying to be better.  I am trying to watch the things that I eat, and better with portion control.  I found this graphic and thought it might help someone:

 This picture reminds me of what my trainer Robin says...she says "I am a people.  I eat food."  You can't live on shakes, or protein bars, or microwave meals forever.  You have to be able to maintain your way of eating for the rest of your life!

Enjoy the weather.  Get out and move.  Have a great rest of week!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Day 73-280.4 pounds

Down over 2 pounds from yesterday's weight.  Which is exciting for me!  It's amazing the results you see after not doing what you should be doing for a while. And most of that was my fault, but being sick I couldn't no excuses, just that I didn't do my job for a week, plus being out of the gym (due to sickness and kid commitments) for almost 2 weeks.

I feel a big difference already in my back.  It is much better than what it was.  There is still some pain, but for a few days, it was almost debilitating, where now it is more tolerable.  I also feel a big difference in my legs.  After not working out for that long, and then doing it last night.... the big difference is... is that I FEEL MY LEGS TODAY.  Every time I move!  LOL  I knew it was going to be like starting over again, and that's ok, but wow!

This has got to be a lifestyle change.  I am not going to be able to go back to eating what I did after I lose the weight I want to lose, and keep it off.  I am going to have to find things that I love and can't live without, and maybe make them healthier, that way I can have one...or two!  Here is a link to a site that has "made-over" some desserts!

There is no reason not to be able to find stuff you like, with healthier versions. There are websites all over, there are apps for your phone or tablet. is a free site, has recipes, diet plans, workout plans, etc. I am currently using the app for my food and workout logs.  The think I LOVE about this app is that my friends can join, I can see their progress, and they can see mine, just by logging in...has like a "news feed" at the bottom of the home screen on the app.  

There are no magic pills, there are no magic workouts or belts that are going to melt the fat off you without some effort on your part.  Trust me, I have tried almost EVERY "miracle diet" out there.  I have been on so many different pills, ones that claim you don't have to change the way you eat to lose weight, etc.  They might work for awhile (if they work at all, which most for me DID NOT), but when you stop taking them, guess what!?  You can't (or most of us anyway) eat what you want, when you want, and still maintain a healthy weight.  You have to work at it, whether by watching what you eat, and/or exercising.  I have some friends that are doing this Visalus Shake Challenge.  It is a 90 day challenge.  And I know for fact that this works for them.  I have seen the proof. And I like shakes just as much as the next guy, but don't want to be on them for the rest of my life.  What happens at the end of the 90 days.  You have to keep doing the shakes, you can't go back to whatever you were eating before!  And for some, it is a kickstart to their weight loss, and they love the shakes, and have been using them for years.  And that is fine.  If that is what they want to do.  I will go to a party at some point in time (they have challenge parties, kinda like a Tupperware party, but different! LOL), just to see what  it's all about.  I haven't made it to one yet.  And I may eat my words after I do, but for me, for now, I will stick with eating what I want (either less of or lower fat/calorie versions) and exercise more.  If I want a Blizzard (which I did the other night), I had one.  It happened to be on a night I hadn't been counting, but I got the smallest size.  Where normally I would have gotten a regular or large size.  You make the changes you need to make to make the change in YOU.  This will be your life.  You have to make it tolerable at the very least, or amazing at the most!  You have to be able to LOVE and LIVE the LIFE that YOU WANT!

Make the most of it!  Start small, and work for what you want!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Day 72-282.8 pounds

I'm baaaack!  Already to day 72.  Does not really feel like it has been that long.  Last week was a bad one!  Was sick and exhausted almost all week.  Much better now.  Still have a few sniffles hanging on, but much better!  I was afraid I totally wrecked my progress last week by not weighing and counting my calories.  But I haven't weighed or counted since about last Monday, so I did alot better than I thought!  Down a bit from last week, so that is a good thing!  I haven't been to the gym for over a week as well.  And I am feeling it!  My back has been KILLING me for the last several days, and I am sure that missing the gym is why.  I have tried getting it popped back in, because it was out at one point, but now it just aches.  That is a horrible feeling.  I was getting used to not having my back hurt, but since the gym has been out for a while, it has gone back to that.  I DO NOT MISS THAT AT ALL!  And it's crazy, because for so long it has been an everyday thing.  My husband would ask me what is wrong, I would tell him nothing after awhile, because it hurt every day... it wasn't anything wrong.  I was used to that being a part of my life.  But I was going to the gym, and the pain has subsided more than it has endured, and now I had forgotten how bad it does hurt sometimes!  

So, I am counting and weighing again, as of today!  Sorry for the hiatus, I am sure I was more disappointed than you! LOL

I need to get into making goals for myself.  Right now, I just have the ultimate goal of being healthy and hopefully getting down to 160 by year end.  I made a small goal last month or so, and it didn't get fulfilled, so I kinda got discouraged.  But I need to get back into it.  I need to make some smaller goals for myself, and then work toward reaching those, and not worrying so much on the bigger goal.  I have a goal (at some point) to do a 5k... I would like to reach 10% of my body weight gone (haven't really counted, so not sure how much that is)... I would like to reach a certain size in clothing (but that is for further down the road)... several things are there to reach, but I need to set them and reach them, and not just hope for them!

 This is a very cool idea.  Put a list of things you want to accomplish into a pile (or bucket), and then reach in and choose one, or just go down the list, etc.  I will see if I can find something to make one of my own.  Also, motivation is the key.  Keep something in your mind's eye that you want, and that will motivate you to get it.  Thinking negatively will only get you negative things.  I found this on Pinterest, and thought it was very funny.  I don't advise any of you to do it, unless it would keep you from overeating or midnight snacking...LOL

 My husband and some of my friends get upset with me when I say I am fat, or joke about being overweight.  But if I don't laugh about it at times, it is just depressing.  So many things I can't do because I am overweight.  So many things I don't feel like doing because I am overweight.  I have been (as I have said SO many times on here before) overweight all of my life.  I don't really know anything else.  And through the years, I have learned that if I can't be "light" about my weight, then there probably would have been alot of depression throughout the years.  So many people used to make fun (mostly in school, earlier years), but by the time I was in jr. high or high school, I was to the point that it didn't matter what you said, or what you thought.  I was me, and me was overweight.  No point in  making fun.  It didn't get a rise out of me.  I was over letting it get me down.

I am tired now of it "getting me down".  It has gotten so much more than just my spirits down at my age.  It is getting my body down, it is getting my mind down, it is getting my family down.  I have no energy to do anything, and I am only 32 years old.  It's not getting me down anymore!  I choose to make the difference, and the only regret is that I took so long!

 You have to love yourself.  And if you don't... whether it is your weight, your hair color, your job, your friends, etc... it is up to YOU to change it!  Keep doing the same thing you have always done, you will keep getting the same results you have always gotten!