Monday, March 19, 2012

Day 78- 288.2 pounds

I am so disgusted by this morning's weight that I almost didn't post it.  I know that some of it is water weight, my rings are so tight on my fingers, but I know 8 pounds isn't water weight!  I thought I was committed to this, and I tell myself that I am, but every week it seems I have posts like this.  It is easier to be the committed one on the weekdays, when I am not tempted to eat what my kids are eating during the day.  That is the problem.  My husband asked me about my weight this morning and I started crying.  Not because I am depressed about it.  But because I am PISSED about the way I have handled things, and not kept track of the calories on the weekends.  I know it's my fault, and that is what makes me even more mad.  I am the one on this journey, not anyone else.  I am the one that has to be focused on the goal, not worry about what everyone else is eating or not eating.  I have to be the one to make this happen!

I know this is a big change in my life, but it would be much better to not fail at all, but if you do, to make sure you fail better the next time.  Which takes me back to something my friend Ashley was told when she started working at the gym by her trainer (verbatim).  This is such a big change, that the statement "the devil is in the details"  pertains.  He told her not to be so concerned at first about all the details, about the caloric intakes, the exercising, etc.  Just be concerned with doing better than you did the day before (or weeks/months).  If you had a soda yesterday, try not to today.  If you walked for 30 minutes yesterday, try 35 today.  It's not all about the details.  It's about doing better than you did yesterday.  (at least that is what I took out of the story Ashley told me...)  I have not been trying very hard.  I stick to my calorie goals during the week, but slack off over the weekend.  Then what do I have to do during the week...make up for the bad choices I made for 3 days over the next 5 days.  

I think my devil is NOT in the details though.  I agree that when you start a journey, sometimes it's hard to get into the groove.  It's hard to go from eating cheeseburgers and fries and a dr. pepper to turkey burgers on wheat buns with sweet potato fries and water.  But if I don't keep track of my calories, I just eat whatever I want.  I was also telling Ashley that last week I kinda got on my soapbox, and was telling everyone what they should do.... and we all know what we should be doing.  Knowing and doing are two VERY different things though.  As my weight today attests to!

Today is another chance to make the change.  No sense in beating yourself up over choices you made yesterday.  Make the right choices today, and you won't feel that way tomorrow.  I am trying my best.  And I am forever human.  I will make mistakes, I will be tempted, and I will indulge....sometimes.  But not always!  I am disgusted with myself today, but I am eating what I am supposed to today.  I am drinking water today (not sweet tea, like over the weekend...).  I am doing things today that will make me proud tomorrow.  I felt somewhat defeated this morning, but the more I thought about it, the more mad I got at myself.  I am not defeated, because I am not done.  

My will is strong.  I have the desire to continue this journey, and I have the will to make the results happen!  

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