Day 30-285.8

Down another pound since yesterday.  Another stone in the pounds lost jar!!

Up to 103 views of my post from Friday.  Amazing!!  Someone posted a story on our Facebook group with the same name, and one of the things to keep you on track is to use the scale to keep you on track.  I weigh everyday, just so I know whether something I ate the day before maybe didn't mesh well with my plan.  You have to be in the right mind to be able to weigh everyday.  You have to know there is going to be some fluctuation in that number no matter what.  If you are going to break down into tears because you are up 0.2 from the day before, weighing everyday is probably not for you.  I am definitely not saying I don't get upset or frustrated if it doesn't always go down, but I know that I will do something different or change my routine up a bit to compensate for whatever it was that knocked it off kilter.  I am saying this because, as most women reading this, we all have that time of the month when no matter if we are eating crackers and water the scale moves up.  (Not that that's what we eat, cuz we gotta have the CHOCOLATE, people!!)  Mine is upcoming, and I am getting a bit nervous about the reflection on the scale.  But I will deal with it, and hope it stays the same at least!  I am determined!!

 

 I am striving for more each and every day.  Because each and every day I make good choices adds years onto the end of my life.  Instead of dying at 65 from heart disease, I may now make it to the ripe old age of 75.  Ten more years of life has a lot of potential!  I am losing (hopefully ALOT), but gaining so much more!!

I am a work in progress, and I know it will take time, and I am ok with that.  I just know that I will finish what I start.  I am a good person and I deserve to be healthy.  My kids deserve to grow up with a mother that can play with them.  All too soon they won't want to anymore!  This is my time, and I have to do what I need to do to make myself healthy!  

My husband has been super supportive, and has loved me no matter what size I am.  He is one of the only people I have ever met that what I looked like never mattered.  And when you go through school being overweight and having glasses and braces, you know just a little about being judged on how you look.  I am so thankful for my husband and the love and support that he gives me every day.  I don't know if I could do this without him!

Day 29-286.8 pounds

Down just a little from Friday.  But I am down 6 pounds since last Monday!!  I was so AMAZED when I looked over the weekend to see how many page views I had.  Normally I have about 15-35, Friday's post had 95 views! 

This weekend went pretty well.  Ate all regular food (besides a SF Shake yesterday for breakfast) and still kept it under my calorie goal.  Had Mexican for lunch on Friday, had a New York dog from Sonic for dinner, total for the day was 1513.  Saturday, had an egg sandwich for breakfast, a grilled chicken sandwich and some fries from Wendy's, and cube steak and broccoli cheese rice for dinner (with a few snacks), for a total of 1292.  Yesterday was my shake, BBQ meatballs and (baked) fries for lunch and a chicken quesadilla for dinner, with a total of 1485.  I feel much better, not as sluggish as I have been in the morning.

My husband and I went to the gym Friday night.  I walked, but per my trainer I should be pushing myself more, so did a little faster than normal and an incline I haven't even attempted yet.  Then Saturday, we went again, I walked (interval, pushing myself) and did 3 sets of my strength training, instead of my normal 2.  I was so sore yesterday, it was just crazy!

But I feel better when I can eat with my family, and not feel left out or deprived.  Of course, while I was logging my calories at Wendy's, I was also looking up what the boy's were eating, and told them what calorie intake they were consuming.... GLAD I DIDN'T ORDER ANY OF THAT!!!

Again, for those of you that eat quite a bit of fast food, I really recommend the documentary, Super Size Me.  When we watched it, we definitely cut down on our eating fast food, and even though we still eat out like that sometimes, we don't order as much as we did then, and definitely not as often!

Got my motivation jars done this weekend, after a couple trial and errors!  So, I put 125 marbles in the pounds to lose jar, and already moved 9 marbles in the pounds lost jar!  So, even if I don't feel the weight being gone, or seeing it in how my clothes feel, I can see it in the jars!

I am still positive thinking.  I really don't have to try anymore.  I enjoy (for the most part) going to the gym.  Or maybe enjoy is not the right word yet, more like accustomed to going.  It is just a part of my routine now.  It would be bad if I backslid and skipped a day, as I would have to pass the gym on my way home, and I know I would just feel horrible...so there is more motivation to go, than not to go!

I am still a little frustrated that I am still SO worn out after I work out.  Not really worn out, but sore and feeble.  After I go home, cook dinner and sit for a little bit, I feel as if I can't get up!  I have had issues when I get up in the morning, that my feet and ankles are so sore, that I can hardly walk on them first thing.  My husband tells me it will get easier and I won't feel those "creaks" as much as time goes on, but it still feels so hard!

  

So, I will just keep pushing, and hope each tomorrow gets better (and easier)!!  I am so tired of being in the position I am in, so tired of feeling the way I have.  I am so tired of starting over!

So I will make my treks to the gym.  I am going to start Zumba classes this Wednesday!  I am excited, I can't wait.  Anything to make it more fun, and I LOVE to dance!  

Trying my 5 meals a day today.  It's a little different, and a little more difficult to get into the routine, but hopefully this will help.  Hope everyone has a great afternoon!  Keep on keepin' on!

Day 26-287 pounds

Down 0.7 pounds since yesterday!  YAY!!  Did my strength training and cardio last night.  I think I sweated more last night than I have any other time... even when Robin was going over the exercises with me!  

Food for yesterday:
8am-SF Cappuccino (190)
10am- rice cakes and cheese stick (140)
noon-SF meal bar (200)
7pm-whole wheat pasta, marinara, chix sausage & cheese stick (540)
9pm-Yogurt pretzels (100)

I also had a great chat with Robin last night at the gym about my food, and actually trying to eat real stuff! 

So, I took the "before" photos taken last night, my husband is a little leery of me posting them on this blog, doesn't want someone to fall deeply in love with me and become a stalker!  I doubt that will happen, and don't post really personal stuff, so I think I will be ok.  LOL

So here are the pictures....  They completely disgust me, but change will come!!

Well, there they are!  Again, all I can say is WOW!!!

I think that is all I have for today.  Nothing new really.  Had a cup of coffee this morning for the first time in almost a month.  And a protein bar, and I am just now (11:45) starting to get hungry.  I brought a greek yogurt to eat too, but was not hungry enough this morning to eat it along with the other.

And I had it pointed out that there are more than 5 of you out there reading, hope everyone knew that was a joke!  I really appreciate the support I am getting.  On the blog I can see how many views my page gets per day, and the countries that are reading.  I have readers in USA of course, including Alaska, and I have had about 14 page views from Germany... crazy!

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!  I plan on watching Paranormal Activity 3 sometime this weekend, have been waiting awhile to watch!  Have a great day! Keep on truckin!

Day 25-287.8 pounds

I continue to lose weight, even if it is just a a 1/2 pound here and there.  Which is GREAT!!  Being a instant gratification person, I get frustrated when it doesn't move or moves up, so even if it is just 0.2 pounds different from yesterday, I am still seeing results.

I have made a couple decisions regarding my food intake and my journey itself.  I have decided that after the shakes I have already on hand, I will transition back to regular food, and just work on portion control and lower fat & calorie choices.  The shakes are (at least I seem to think) making me a bit sluggish.  Also, I am having some internal issues, kinda makes me feel like I have some sort of bladder infection or something.  My trainer told me that may be because of the sugar content of the shakes.  I have known people in the past that have used them, and had serious issues.  I may use them as a supplement or a quick meal if I don't have time, but don't think they are going to be the majority of my diet.  So please, feel free to send recipes my way for anything you might think I could use!

I am going to be working with my weight again tonight.  I call them weights, but seems that is not really the word for it, I like the words strength training better.  I don't feel as I am lifting weights, I feel as if I am gaining strength.  My knees have been bothering me a bit the last 2 days, more the "good" one than the "bad" one.  But I will push my hardest tonight and hope it doesn't kill me!

I bought a shirt from someone on a facebook yard sale site the other day.  It was listed as a 24 or 2X.  I figured it would be big enough, so I bought it sight unseen and without trying it on.  This is not the first time I have bought clothes without trying it on, as I am sure many of you have done too.  However, when I went to try it on at home, the size was only a 14-16.  WAY too small!  I couldn't even get it over my shoulders.  I have so many clothes that I have bought, and they were too small, and I have just sitting in my closet, waiting for the day that I might be able to fit into them!  So, I guess I will just add that to the pile, and at least I will have a new wardrobe just waiting for me when I do lose to whatever size it is that I have waiting... there are several sizes!!  LOL.

It has been so long since I have been at a healthy weight, I will be a whole new person when that time comes.  I will definitely need help to maintain and function at a weight I have never been in my adult life! 

So, the other decision I have made is that I am going to post some "before" photos on this blog.  I figure if I am going to go thru such a change in my body (hopefully in the year I have as my goal) that I need to give my readers (all 5 of you...LOL) the visual of the change.  I am super scared about that, but figure it is something that I should do. 

I hope you all appreciate that sacrifice I am willing to make.  I don't normally like to have my photo taken at all, but now I am offering to post a picture of my body, obviously not nude, but in shorts and a short top, so you can see all the fat that I have to lose.  SCARY!! :-O

I think that is all I have for today.  Hope everyone keeps plugging along!  It's a long journey for some of us, a shorter journey for others.... but a journey nonetheless!

Day 24-289.2 pounds

OK, so I met with the trainer last night.  Things went pretty well.  They weighed me when I first started going to the gym, and then again last night.  According to their scale, I have only lost 3 pounds, but have lost about 3 inches, as well as 4% body fat!  That excites me!!

I am planning on doing the exercises she taught me last night for about a couple weeks, then she will give me a new workout (different moves) so I can alternate the two within the month before I meet with her again.  I am a little stiff this morning and kinda sore, but not really as bad as what I thought it would be.  This kinda makes me think of what I looked like last night:

Because I am pretty sure I looked a heck of alot worse than I have any other time I have walked out of that gym!  Thanks Robin!

I am also going to be starting to post my food for the day, here as well as with the trainer.  She mentioned this last night, just keeps me accountable for what I have eaten, whether or not it is on the diet plan or not.

Yesterday's Food: (calories in parenthesis)

8am-Slim Fast Cappucchino (190)

10am-Ghiradelli Dark Choc square with mint filling (42)

11am-Mini Rice cakes-cheddar (70)

12pm-Slim Fast Chocolate (190)

2:30 pm- Wheat Thins (140) and cheese stick (70)

6:30 pm- Creatine (to help with the muscle soreness) (100)

7:30 pm- Italian Sausage (170), whole wheat rotini (210), and marinara sauce (90)

9:30 pm-1% milk (100) & 100 cal pack of yogurt pretzels (100)

Total Calories: 1472.  And that is going to be a little off, because after I dished up my dinner serving, I only ate about 3/4 of it, it was a big serving, and I just couldn't eat it!

I am definitely below the 1500 calories that I had set for myself (according to what is "normal" for the Slim-Fast plan).  Yesterday was the only day that I had really come close to that for awhile.

I am feeling more at home at the gym.  

 

I know several people there now, and feel comfortable just walking around and looking, if I need to find something to do.  It was a little funny today, the Camdenton Chamber Director, Trish, came into my office today for a meeting and mentioned that she sees me working out at the gym, and that I am such an inspiration to all of them there, the way I work out almost every day, and just what I do.  That really meant alot!

According to the trainer, I am supposed to workout 6 days a week.  Everyone one of those needs to include cardio, then every other day needs to be weight training.  I can do that!!

I told the trainer my weaknesses, my knees & wrists, and she did her best to work around those to get a workout tailored just for me.  I was pushed to the limits, but not over and that was a great motivator.  I felt I could do more, and that just leaves room for improvement.  We talked about the emotional eating, which is come and go with me, not what made me this way.  We also talked about the eating habit being of my upbringing.  I said that is exactly what it is:  I was raised in a family of overweight people.  I don't say that to be mean, but it's the truth.  We always had a meat, potato and side, plus bread/rolls, etc.  Dessert was every night if you wanted it.  We had (and still do) huge family meals.  I have talked about this in a previous post, that almost all family get-together's are based around a meal.  Not only that, every other week at church was a dinner for the members.  Every Easter there is a breakfast after the Sunrise Service.  Every "singing" there is food to eat, every benefit, etc.  That's just the way it was done.  Time to change that.  Just because it's there, doesn't mean I need to consume it!  Just because I have a long journey ahead of me, and not much results, I will still continue on, because:

Day 23-290.8 pounds

So, I am down 2 pounds from yesterday.  That's what happens when I stick to the food plan.  Went to the gym last night, just walked straight for 45 minutes.  I was a little scared to do any weights, as I have my meeting with the trainer tonight, and I am scared she is going to kick the crap out of me....LOL  I will have to remember this phrase tonight!!!

I keep asking myself when my legs are going to quit hurting.  They don't hurt all the time, but I feel as if I am not making any ground, I feel like I am still struggling to make it the 30-45 minutes I do walk.  I know it will take time, but I figured after 3+ weeks, it would get a little easier!

I find something interesting and new almost everyday on Pinterest.  I found this one just a couple days ago, but have been trying to fit this into my daily life for quite awhile now.  Bought some smaller plates awhile back, and normally don't eat off a regular size plate anymore.

Makes you feel as if you are getting more, even if you are eating the same.  Also, I haven't tried it, but I have heard that eating off of blue plates helps you eat less.  I guess I will have to try that one, if I could find any blue plates!

Yesterday was a pretty negative day for me.  I was bummed by the number on the scale first thing in the morning, and that sets the mood for the rest of the day.  I am normally not a negative person at all, but I am trying so hard, and not getting results that I can see!

I try to remember that phrase.  Because they are so powerful, and it is crazy what they can do to you.  So, try to be positive even if your day starts out bad, at least it doesn't have to end that way!

So, off to meet the trainer tonight.  I hope I will be able to walk tomorrow!  Just kidding, Robin!  (at least I hope so...) Will let you know how it goes!

Day 22-292.8 pounds

Again, the weekend killed me.  I am up over 3 pounds since Friday.  WOW!  I guess my thought of eating normal food with my family (smaller portions and better choices) is not going to work for awhile.  Not sure that bodes well for the future when I plan on taking on the task of ditching the shakes, and eating real food....

I know what I ate was not that calorie laden, and the portions were normal and not oversized.... I am just a bit defeated today.  I will not give up, but just down in the dumps today...

I have started, and will continue on with the journey!  I am just wondering why the heck it is so easy to put the pounds on, but so dang difficult to take them off!!!  I have already made changes to my eating habits, and my lifestyle, but there are so many more changes to come... at least I hope so!

I don't really know what else to do, so I will just keep on keepin' on.  I will focus on the end result, and what I have to do to make those goals.  I will look at the picture below with disgust, and remember how much of that I have on my body!

And know how unhealthy it is to carry that much of such a horrible thing on and in my body!  I just don't even want to think about how many of those blobs of fat I am carrying around right now.  It makes me cringe!

I saw something on Pinterest that I am planning on doing to see if it will help in the visualization of the weight lost.  As I am an instant gratification kinda gal, I think this might help to be able to see what I have lost, even though I am not feeling it in my clothes and such.

I already have my jars (thanks Jackie) and just need to get the stickers or paint and some marbles.  I am hoping this helps to see what I am accomplishing! 

I may be down, but definitely not out!  I am just having a bad day, I will overcome, I will fight to live another day, etc... LOL

Time to get down and get dirty!  I meet with the trainer (Robin)at Anytime Fitness- Camdenton tomorrow after work.  I hope she doesn't kick my butt too bad!  But hopefully she can shed some light on to what I need to be doing to be getting the results that I should be.  I am very optimistic!

Day 19-289.2 pounds

Another day with no movement of the scale....it's getting kinda old!  I think some of the problem might be that I am not taking in enough calories.  I still find it hard most days to hit the 1500 calories.  I don't really know what else to do! 

Had lunch out today, BIG MISTAKE!  I had planned on only eating half of what I ordered, but that didn't happen!  I ate the whole plate.  And now I feel terrible, my stomach is rumbling, I am sluggish.  I know how it makes me feel when I do that, but I keep on doing it (not as much lately).  Again, this is the instance that I am a peer pressure eater.  We were out with friends, eating, talking, and just not paying attention or worrying about how much I ate....

I know there is a fit person in here somewhere.  I just have a hard time finding her and keeping her in the forefront!  I'm not giving up just because of one mistake, but why is it so hard to remember how I feel after I eat the crap, before or while I am eating it?!?

Since my whole journey is based on this change happening in one year (hopefully), I find this photo very inspiring:

I know this is a journey, and that I am not very far into it yet.  But I am a instant gratification person.  I want results now, and it is just really hard to continue dieting and exercising when I am not seeing any changes.  I am having to not only change my eating habits and my lazing habits, I am having to change my emotional habits, the way my brain thinks about something.  That is the most difficult of all the tasks ahead.... BUT

I really believe the above statement.  I have dealt with alot through my VERY young life (ha ha ha), and I know I am strong enough to make it through anything.  I have made myself this way, and I will make myself fit.  I find this prayer helps sometimes when I am having some cravings and whatnot, or even just to say it first thing in the morning before you begin your day, let Him know that you need help throughout the day:

I am a little sore today.  I had done 2 days straight of some strength training on my upper body, and then last night did some lower body work.  I am really feeling it today. 

I will be back at the gym this afternoon, probably just walking today, let my body rest from the strength training (don't want to get too buff ;-)  I will be meeting a friend of mine there to show her around, and get her to talk to the manager to try to sign up for a membership.  There should be no excuses for me not to go to the gym.  Right now, the kids are not in any sports (it may get a little tough when they start baseball...) but I still will find the time: NO EXCUSES

I know it is going to be a lot of hard work, I know I will make sacrifices I probably will not want to make along the way (at least at that time...) but it will be worth it!

Hope everyone has a great weekend.  Keep up the good work.  I will keep it up on my end!

Day 18-289.2 pounds

Another great workout last night.  Did the interval walking and 3 minutes on the treadmill and some more strength training.  About a 45-50 minute workout.  Just still trying to build myself back up to where maybe I can walk (or jog at some point) for an hour, with the weights added to that!

Another great dinner.  Less than 500 calories.  I got much closer to my 1500 calorie mark yesterday, ended up with 1300 or so.  I have such great support at home.  I think my kids are surprised how much stuff can be good for you and good to eat too! 

Another workout scheduled for tonight.  Not sure what to have for dinner though, I forgot to lay something out to thaw! :-O  I am sure I will find something!  Just hope it's good for me!

I am going to try, maybe starting next week to work in a short workout before I get ready for work.  Going to try to do my video workout (which is 20 minutes), then work, then workout at the gym.  Just trying to build my body back up to where it doesn't kill me to walk for 30 minutes straight.  You wouldn't think that would be so hard!

I am really wanting to do the Zumba classes that start in February!  I love to dance, and if I get to burn lots of calories at the same time...BONUS!

Hope everyone has a great day!  Keep on moving, every little bit counts!!

Day 17-289.8 pounds

Had a really good workout last night.  Did the interval walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes, did another 4 minutes on the elliptical, and then did some strength training for another 15-20 minutes.  I wasn't able to talk with the trainer last night, she was working with some clients, but I will talk to her about showing me what to do to maximize my results.  My knee is feeling a bit better, still gives me some fits every now and again.  I started taking some glucosamine/chondroiton stuff, and it seems to be taking effect fairly well.

Dinner last night was leftovers of roast beef, potatoes and carrots.  Still did not reach my 1500 calorie mark.  This morning I tried eating a more caloric snack, and see how that works out.  I don't want to starve my body, therefore making it not want to burn the fat.... definitely the opposite of what I am trying to do!  I want the picture below to be how I feel about myself, but the numbers for me do need to go down considerably before I can not really worry about the "number" and worry about how I feel.

I want the number to not mean as much as it does right now.  Right now it means that I am already at a higher risk for many many health issues.  Luckily, I don't have them (as far as I know, it has been a couple years since my last physical).  And when I get at a healthy weight (not morbidly obese, how I hate those words), I will worry more about my clothes fitting and not worry what the scale says.

I am so tired of losing weight and gaining it back, keeping TONS of clothes in my closet, because I am hoping at some point in time to actually be able to wear them again (or for the first time even).  How sad is it that I have clothes that I bought brand new (without trying them on), and of course they didn't fit... so instead of taking them back and either refunding or exchanging for another size, I have kept them in my closet, always telling myself that I will lose enough weight to wear them. 

I hope that my journey (even if we are only 3 weeks into it) has been a wake up call to some out there.  I know my cousin has done amazing on her journey so far, and her sister (my other cousin) has lost 10 pounds since the first of the year, which is amazing!  I am not trying to be a role model, I am not trying to be just another success story.  I want to change my life, and if that helps others, I am deeply humbled by that:

Even though I know the show Biggest Loser is not the way most people lose weight, I find that to be one of the most uplifting and inspiring shows.  Those are regular people, who have regular jobs, and the same struggles I have had in the past, and continue to have now.  I figure if they can do it, I can too.  I have seen several of them go home (after getting voted out of the house) and coming back for the finale looking better than the ones that stayed on the show.  That means that I don't need a famous trainer or a personal dietitian for this change to be made!

I worry that I am not working out long enough to be able to lose what I want to lose, but I saw this picture the other day, and it is a great motivator:

So I will continue on with my 30 minute walking and some weight training, until (at least) my knee gets to feeling better, and it doesn't feel like my legs are going to fall off, and keep working at it til I build it back up.  It's just one step at a time.  I will get there!

Day 16-291.2 pounds

Down a pound since yesterday's weigh-in.  Went to the gym last night, walked for 30 minutes.  Tried a bit of interval walking.  Still not very fast, but was walking at a normal pace, then went up a bit, added a little incline, went back to normal for a few minutes, then back up....etc...and up to 4 MINUTES on the elliptical; was just a little proud of that!

Dinner last night was amazing (as usual!). It was whole wheat penne pasta, Tuscan Herb sauce, green peppers, chicken sausage, and olives.  With the chicken sausage, which was flavored garlic, mozzarella and artichoke, to me it tasted a lot like a supreme pizza.  And the total calories was under 400!  Yay me!  This is what it looked like!  A pretty big portion, makes me feel not totally deprived!

I have had alot of people say something to me about not feeling full.  That is not really the problem.  The shakes fill me up, and I have my snacks, but I am not reaching my calorie goal for the day.  I am supposed to be at 1500, but am eating only around 1200, and I think yesterday was even lower.  I am too full after dinner to have the snack I am supposed to, but feel like I am overeating if I add another snack during the day!

So I did some figuring on how much weight I need to lose each week to maintain my steady weight loss and reach my goal by year's end.  It is 2.5 pounds each week.  

So here is my mini goal: From today's weight of 291.2, I want to lose 12 pounds by Valentine's Day:

I would love for my reward for reaching that goal to be able to go out to dinner with my husband and celebrate our love as well as my success!  My mini goal is a little over the 2.5 pounds per week of steady weight loss, but I figure I should be losing a little more than that at first, since the change in diet and exercise.  I would obviously be happy with the 10 pounds that the 2.5 pounds per week would take me to, but you have to push yourself, and if I only push for the minimum...not much of a motivation, right??

Another night at the gym.  I need to add the weight training in there, but I find myself in the predicament of my cousin, and that is being somewhat embarrassed by trying new things at the gym.  I don't want everyone looking at me, especially if I am doing something wrong.  I know I need to get over that.  But being so heavy, and being self conscious almost my WHOLE life, it's a little difficult to get over.  That is just one more hump I have to clear to achieve what I want, and the more time it takes, the less time I have to work.  So, BUCK UP BABY!  JUST DO IT!!!  Easier to type than to act on.... but I will try my very best!  I need to talk with the trainer there, and just have her teach me some moves that I can do by myself, as I am there sometimes when the trainers are not.

Well, I will sign off for now.  Hope everyone in Missouri stays warm today.  And just to dispel some myths.... just because people are fat does not mean they stay warm!  I am FREEZING! LOL

Have a great day!  And in the words of the HOT new trainer (as of last season) on the Biggest Loser: Hard Work!  Dedication!

Day 15-292.2 pounds :-(

Yes, you read that right, up almost 2.5 pounds over the weekend.  However, my knee was really bothering me, so I didn't exercise like I should have.  And I didn't stick to my shakes (even though I didn't eat bad food) either.  Very disappointed in myself.  I really need to get on track.  This is halfway through the first month, and I haven't lost the weight I need to to make my goal!

I will starting short term goals, which so far I have not been doing.  So, I will make up my first one, after I do some figuring, and post that goal tomorrow.  This is so much harder than I thought.  Of course, I have never really stuck to a diet for very long, and guess I didn't know what I was getting myself into.  But I am determined to do it.  I just seem to be "down" about it this week.  I just feel so helpless.  I can't do much because I am so heavy, and plus with my knee hurting that takes it down to almost nothing it seems like.  I just feel helpless I guess.

Sorry this post is so negative.  I try to be the most positive I can be, but sometimes even the rainbow gets overshadowed by the cloud.  I will shine again.  Just having myself a bit of a pity party today! 

There is so much more going on in my everyday life, it is hard to stay focused on the weight loss.  The added stress of some other things going on is not helping!  But every day won't be the easiest when I do achieve my goal, so I guess I need to learn how to cope with all the stressors I might have then, and now.  Just a little difficult.  I am a pretty good multi-tasker, but just not with this. 

Back to the gym tonight, have to see how many calories I can burn!

Day 12-289.6 pounds

Down just a little today.  Did my exercise at home last night.  Goes pretty well, the boys are quarantined to their rooms and I do my thing in the living room.  Dinner last night was chicken, wild rice and veggies.

I noticed last night that my left knee is really swollen.  It has been hurting for a couple days now, but I guess I never really looked at to see if there was a problem, just assumed I knew what it was.  I have been putting some pain reliever cream on it, and the swelling seems to be down a bit this afternoon.  I hope it gets better soon, I find it difficult to do my workouts, as I am constantly worried something I will do, or how I will turn or whatever will make it buckle.

I am hoping to start some Zumba classes soon.  There is a church here in town that offers them, as well as another gym (in Linn Creek) that will be offering them come February.  I can just pay by the class, so I don't have to join....that should be fun.  I have done only one class before and loved it.  I do love to dance, and it doesn't feel like work, just fun!

Hope everyone has a great weekend.  Probably won't be back until Monday.

Sorry for the short post today, but am a little cramped on time.

Day 11-290 pounds

Again a little disappointed the scale didn't move.  At least it didn't go up again!  Last night was kind of a lazy night.  In fear of being called into work overnight, my husband and I went home early, and skipped the gym.  I did my video, and it was 20 minutes.  Felt kind of like a fish floundering around as I hadn't done it in so long, I forgot the moves.  But I was sweating and felt like I did the best I could.

Dinner last night was leftovers.  Nothing spectacular.  I still find it difficult to eat all my 1500 calories in a day.  Yesterday I was only at 1300, and that was only because I had an extra glass of milk and a 100-calorie pack last night right before bed.  I feel more hungry during the day, but if I add too much during the day, I feel like I use too many calories up.... so I am not really sure what to do there.

I am a little frustrated that I am not feeling my clothes looser and all that.  My cousin is dieting and exercising as well, and she states she feels so much better and already feels it in her clothes.  Maybe my clothes are too darn big, so I don't feel it yet.  Yeah, let's go with that!  My knee is giving me some trouble again today.  Not really sure why it is hurting, but would be nice if it would just quit!  I know I have been working it harder than I normally do, and carrying around all the weight it has been over the last several years, I should be glad I can walk!  I had dislocated that kneecap when I was in high school, and now if you feel it when I bend it, it is basically just bone rubbing together.  What is really weird besides just the pain though, is the feeling that the muscle/tendon from my kneecap up my thigh feels really tight, about like it's going to snap.  This has happened a couple times in the last several years.  One time, went to the chiropractor and he attached some electrodes on it to stimulate and relax the muscle/tendon.  The other time I bent down or something and it just popped, then stopped hurting!  I guess we will just wait it out.

I do want to thank my husband and my kids for being along with me in this journey.  A cousin of ours asked my youngest son at school the other day if he liked the healthy dishes I was preparing, and his answer of course was that they are really good.  I think they are surprised about what can be good for you and still taste great!  My husband has been so supportive, he goes to the gym with me (normally does his own thing, as he wants to build more muscle, not really lose weight), he is dieting alongside me, and he has given up sodas (which is HUGE! for him).  Speaking of that, I haven't had one all week.  Didn't have any in the house over this past weekend, and so when I came back to work on Monday, I just didn't have one... and again the next day and so on.  So I have been Dr. Pepper free since Friday!

I do have one other complaint.  I wish water didn't seem like it was bloating me up.  I drink more than just a sip of water, and I feel like I have drank a liter bottle or something.  That feeling makes it hard for me to drink the amount of water I need to.  I really am trying though, and I am drinking probably 3 times more water than I used to.  Any suggestions on that would be appreciated.

Not sure if the gym is in the future for tonight.  Andy (my husband) has been out plowing roads all day, so we shall see how he feels.  May be another night of the video, then maybe some weight training with the free weights we have.

One Step at a Time!

Day 10-290 pounds

Was a bit disappointed this morning when I weighed, as I was UP a WHOLE POUND!!!  Again, the problem with weighing everyday, but I am still going to do it.  I am not disheartened, just disappointed. 

Ever since my workout on Monday, my knees have been giving me a bit of trouble.  I decided to not do anything but walk last night at the gym, and did 45 minutes straight.  Was pretty proud of that accomplishment, as I have been stopping at 15 minutes and getting a drink, going to the bathroom, etc. on previous workouts, then resuming to finish my 30 minutes total.  Knee is still a bit sore and stiff.  Talked with Ashley last night (one of my "coaches" from Anytime Fitness) and she said maybe to alternate between walking and a bike (that maybe the walking IS the problem), and if it still gives me some grief to talk with Robin (another "coach" there, and the trainer of course!) about maybe doing some "corrective" exercises on the knee to build some more muscle strength around the knee. 

I don't think I will be going the gym tonight.  I normally go with my husband (even though we don't normally "work out" together, and he is a little worried he might be called into work overnight (he works for the road dept.) as we are expected to get a little winter weather.  He would like to go home and rest, just in case of that.  So, I will do my cardio video at home...I think it is only 15 minutes (there may be a longer one on there, just not sure), so I may have to do it twice!  Of course, the boys (and dad) will have to be in the other room (watching TV or playing the xBox) because working out at the gym in front of other people is ok, but at home it's just weird.... LOL!

I have heard from so many people that they have kick started their own weight loss goals this year.  I don't know if that is because of the New Year, or because of me.  If it is because of me, I am completely humbled!  If it is not, then that's ok too!  But know, either way, that it is a journey, and we all are partners in it!  I want your support, and I will gladly give mine in return!

The weight gain from yesterday to today does not bother me, but I am trying to figure out why it happened.  My guess is (and feel free to comment and offer your opinion/suggestions) that I am eating too many of my calories right before I go to bed.  During the day, I drink my shakes and have my snacks, and like I said yesterday, I am too full from dinner to eat a snack before bed.  But I am spacing out my calories alot more during the day, then having a 500 calorie meal at around 7:00 or so, then going to bed around 9:00 or 10:00.  I don't think I can eat any earlier, as going to gym after work is really the only option I have at the moment.  So, today I am drinking my shakes for breakfast and lunch, and adding a piece of fruit with it.  Then have a 100-calorie snack in between, and my mid-afternoon snack (which is about 200 calories), then by dinner I should be eating the 500 calorie meal and nothing else before bed.  I hope that helps. 

So many people have commented about me addressing my emotional behavior along with my physical eating habits.  Some are surprised that I am doing this.  Most people assume (and I think it is from watching Biggest Loser, even though that is one of my favorites) that fat people have MAJOR ISSUES.  Not all fat people got fat because they are depressed.  Some of us just like to eat.  Doesn't matter if we are happy, sad, angry, etc.  We just like the taste of food!  And I think that pertains to me.  I don't have emotional eating issues (if I did, the diet would have went to hell last week, as I was on that emotional time...).  I'm not saying I don't eat when I am emotional.  You don't get to be almost 300 pounds and not eat emotionally.  My problem is that I eat with EVERY emotion, and that's just because it's something to do.  And of course, the food tastes really good!  Some people say, well she gained 20 pounds, but it's a happy gain.  I don't think any gain is a HAPPY gain (for overweight people, anyway).  I think you can be happy and gain it by not watching what you eat, or not worrying about exercising as you are more focused on your life than on the food you consume.  But I am pretty sure when they find out they have gained that 20 pounds, they are NOT HAPPY! LOL. 

My family and I have had our struggles, and it has not all been a bed of roses.  But that is not the reason I weight what I do.  I have said this before, I weigh what I weigh because of the choices I make.  And those have been bad choices, either because it was "cheaper" or because it was "easier" or because I just didn't care what I was putting in my body at that moment.  You have to assess your mental health on any health issue.  What is making your blood pressure so high?  Why are you eating all those sweets, and now have diabetes?  Is it something mental, or something else?  There is no difference in being sick and being fat.  There are ways to make it better.  I'm not saying everything has a cure, but there are ways to make it better (if only for the time being...).  I have assessed my mental health, and find there is nothing wrong with it (at least in my book, others might have different opinions).  It's just the choices I have made. 

Also, a note for those of you who might eat fast food once a week or more....try watching the documentary "Super Size Me".  That was a major factor in our not eating out so much, and the decision we need to eat better for our health.

Thanks again for reading!  The support really amazes me.

Day 9-289 pounds (Positive Thinking)

So, thank God the scale went down this morning!  I was gonna freak if it had stayed the same for ANOTHER day in a row.  I know some people (ALOT of people) say not to weigh every day, but when I weigh every day and either stay the same or lose any, I know I am doing something right.  If I gain something, I will go over what I ate, what I did that might have attributed with the gain.  I don't normally "freak" over it, and I know it is a journey of MANY miles, just have to keep on the right path!

Worked out last night, walked for 30 minutes, did another 3 minutes on the elliptical (I seem to be stuck at that number), and worked in about 15 minutes of weight training.  My knees are a little sore last night, I was pushing my speed on walking, and think I may have pushed a little too hard.  But I will be back at it tonight! 

Last night for dinner was another AWESOME meal, that of course the family just loved!  It was Chicken Sausage with spinach and mozzarella in it (WAY better than I thought it would be), in whole wheat pasta and tuscan herb sauce.  Total calories for the meal was only 470!  I find it amazing how much food I can eat for so little calories.  I ate a serving size last night, which didn't seem to be that much smaller than what I normally eat, but I measured everything out, so my calorie count was right on.  I find myself hungry sometimes, but I still almost never reach the 1500 calories I am supposed to be eating on this diet.  I have my shake for breakfast, a snack around 10:00 am, a shake for lunch, another snack around 3:00 p.m. and dinner around 7:00 pm or so.  Depending on what time we get home from the gym and how much time dinner takes to prepare, by the time I eat and drink a big glass of water, I have no room for any more food by 9:30 pm when it's almost bed time! I range most days between 1000 and 1200 calories a day, and am not hungry.  I have found myself trying to wait until my stomach growls, so I know there is an actual need there.  It seems to be working for me!

I have found a great website, it's called Pinterest, and I know several of you have been on it as well.  I can look all day and night at posts, even posts about food and desserts and junk food, and not really crave it.  I think that bodes well for my future.  I know Slim-Fast is not a long term diet.  I don't plan on being on it this whole year.  I plan to use it as a tool.  To allow my body to adjust to smaller meals, lower calories, and better for me foods.  And somewhere in the near future I will go back to actually eating food for breakfast and lunch and hopefully I have adjusted by then to the smaller portions.

I also have joined Pinterest as a tool to help me and my family achieve what we hope is a much more satisfying life.  It is a website of pinboards, basically like a cork board that you pin pictures, quotes, recipes, etc. only online.  I have read a book and watched the movie of The Secret.  If you haven't read it, I encourage you to do so!  It is taking all types of people from all walks of life (and religions/beliefs) and basically says one thing....If you build it, they will come.  OK, so that's not really what it says, but very similar.  It says in the Bible that all you have to do is ask for something and it will be provided.  This is the same thing.  The Secret teaches you to focus on the things that you want (a better body, a fat bank account, a more satisfying career, etc) and at some point, you will achieve all the things that you want!  The book is filled with some great quotes, and motivational sayings.  It also encourages you to make a "vision board".  This board is to post pictures of the things you want.  A more fit body, a bank account deposit of $1,000,000, a dream home, a happy family.... whatever it is that you can dream that you want, you are supposed to post on this board.  I plan to use this pinboard as my "vision board".  I am going to pin things that I want, places I want to go with my family, a fitter body, etc.  I never made a vision board before (even though I bought the things to do so). 

Like I said, this book fits to all religious beliefs, although it mostly talks about conversing with the universe, there are Christians on there, stating that instead of conversing with the "universe" you converse with God, and the same thing applies.  You just imagine it happening, you focus on what you want, not what you DON'T want.  You spend time just envisioning those things, asking for those things and they come to you!  The Law of Attraction.  I am not saying this is the basis of my weight loss, and I am not relying on this to do the job.  All I am saying is that it can't hurt!  Anything that gets you to focus on the goals you want to achieve, and the positive feelings you want to feel, then so be it!

You never know the power of positive thinking until you try it!

Day 8- 291.6 pounds (Emotional Eating)

I was really nervous about this past weekend.  It was the first weekend on the diet.  It was also the start of that wonderful womanly thing.  We women know how crazy we can get with cravings for sweet or salty on those first few days.  I had no cravings, I had no urges to break into the the bag of chips that is sitting in the cupboard.  I am pretty proud of myself.  I am of course a little disappointed that the scale didn't budge all weekend, but I figure with that time (and all the water weight, bloating, etc, that is associated with it) of the month coming along, and not gaining anything, I ROCKED IT! LOL!

I made homemade pizzas for the family on Friday night.  They turned out better than the boys  (and Andy) thought they would.  They liked them so much, we had them again Sunday night.  Here's what I used for my 390 calorie personal pizza:

1-Whole wheat pita
Hunt's low-sodium tomato sauce
Garlic powder to taste
Italian seasoning to taste
Green bell pepper
Canadian bacon (1/2 serving was plenty!)
Black olives
Mushrooms
2% Shredded cheese

Bake at 400 degrees for about 8-10 minutes.

I did not feel like I was eating diet food with this.  I was completely full afterward.  I did not feel deprived at all!  And, the boys got to make their own and help with dinner, so it was a family friendly meal!!

Went to the gym Friday and Saturday, but did not go on Sunday.  We went grocery shopping for over 2 hours, plus laundry and some housework, so I figured one day of not walking was ok.  We will be back at it tonight!  I am going to start adding some weight training in there, as recommended by a few of the "coaches". 

I had a very good and dear friend message me on Facebook about my day 4 post, about disease vs. disorder.  She has a very good point, and that is that something is triggering my overeating, her suggestion: depression.  I agree with her partially.  We have a good enough relationship that she told me if she was off base, then that's fine, but that is what she has struggled with.  I am not saying that I don't "emotional eat".  Because I would probably be lying if I said that.  I have never been "depressed" really.  I may get down, and SOMETIMES I eat when those feelings come on.  She mentioned there are reasons we all overeat.  I am sure deep down there are feelings of hurt and heartache over not having a "fit" childhood.  I was always the overweight girl.  Ever since 1st grade or so...  There may be some resentment that my father and mother got divorced when I was young, and for some reason he chose to be with other children and not his own.  There is also some feelings of abandonment there, but I have lived with that for years, I don't think that is what is making me eat.  There's also the feelings of hurt that I haven't talked with my mother for over 3 years now, because she does not agree with my choices.  It hurts me that she doesn't have contact with her grandchildren because she can't get over her grudges.  It hurts me that my children hurt. 

But I still don't believe those are reasons I eat.  I don't go to a Super Bowl Party and have a really great time and see a bounty of food in front of me and think how bad I have it, so I have another plate of nachos.  I am having a good time, my friends are having a good time, and they are all eating, therefore I eat.  I don't go to a restaurant with my family that has the best ever artichoke dip and think that my life is not going as planned, so I eat the whole thing.  My family is there, we are spending quality time together, everyone is eating, and I am too.  I guess you could say I am more of a PEER PRESSURE eater.  I have cravings just like anyone else does, but just because I am overweight there must be an underlying reason that I eat too much.  I eat too much because it TASTES SO DARN GOOD!!!

I just have to change the way I view food.  I, like many of you that read this, grew up where we all had family gatherings, and they all centered (or still center) around food.  You have a Christmas dinner, or a 4th of July BBQ, or a family reunion that is a potluck.  I was raised on the reasoning that if you got together with your family, you must be eating, and eating those down-home, home-grown recipes we all love to hate (at least after we are done eating!).

I am not trying to deny that there are things I probably need to work on or deal with, but I don't believe those things have anything to do with MY weight issues.  I understand there are those out there that this applies to, and healing and solving those problems, solves the food issues.  I just don't believe that is the case with ME.  I do appreciate all the help and support and advice that has been given, and I do take everything anyone says to heart.  And I do thank my good friend for saying something (as I know her speaking out means that she loves me), because we did live together for a year, we did try to lose weight together, and try to eat smart (and in college, that was HARD to do!).  And we did it, we both lost weight, we both were healthier for it!

I have gotten to the point in my life that what is important is keeping myself and my husband and my kids happy and healthy.  I have for several years now not really cared what people think of me and the decisions I have made.  I figure if they want to be a part of my life, they will work to make that happen, just as if I want to be a part of someone else's life, I work to achieve that.  I make the effort.  I have long since forgiven my biological father for leaving.  I still don't understand it, and may never, and that is ok.  I have long since forgiven those that made fun of me in school for being heavy, or those that didn't want to be friends or be seen with the fat girl.  I have forgotten that my mother does not want to be a part of my life because of the person I have chosen as my life partner.  That is her choice to not be in my life (and of consequence, the life of her grandchildren).

That stuff doesn't matter to me, because that is not what is focus in my life.  
My life is focused on my children.  And my husband.  And the health of myself.  
So I can be there to share in their joys for as long as they will have me. 

Whew!  Glad that's over, that was kinda depressing.  I try to not be negative, I try to not surround myself with the negativity that brings me down.  That is hard to do, when some people I am around seem to be clouded in negativity.  But that is when you focus on what you are working toward.  Focus on what is important to you, and all the rest just goes away and doesn't dampen your world. 

I read this on Pinterest, not really sure where the original post or author came from but I loved it:
You can NEVER out-exercise a bad diet.

Here's to living for what is in the future, and forgetting (after learning from it of course) what is in the past!

Day 5-291.6

Diet is still going good.  No issues or anything of the sort.  I am kinda bummed that the scale didn't move from yesterday to today, but I know that is normal, and I know 4.5 lbs. since Monday is dang good!  Just like to see it keep moving!  

Went to the gym last night, walked for 30 minutes.... made it 2 minutes on the elliptical (YAY), and then did some weight training with my "coach" Ashley.  She is the owner of the gym and a lady I went to school with.  She has been a great source of support!  My legs are really feeling the workout, though.  Was again having trouble getting from a sitting position last night, but for a whole new reason!!

I am still diggin the iced Slim-Fast Cappuccino!  Made it with less ice this morning and was much more smooth than yesterday, and very much more yummy!  I am still drinking my Dr. Pepper, and add it into my snack calories.  On Fridays, my husband and I normally go out to lunch together, and today was no different.  We went to Subway, and ordered off of "Jared's Menu".  Sandwich was under 500 calories and I am still so full 2 hours later. I would like to continue eating out with my husband, but finding a way to make the healthy choices wherever we decide to go.  He is dieting and exercising with me, so that makes it easier!  

Planning on doing some walking at the gym later.  Have to go grocery shopping, as there is nothing in my house to eat!  I have been so busy!  

I also have a group on Facebook that is the same name as my blog:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/263256073715843/permalink/284461141595336/#!/groups/283540928345313/

Feel free to join if you are on Facebook.  It is just a small group now, but hoping it gets bigger!  We are just a group of people looking to get fit and/or stay fit!  We do have a couple of trainers that are members, and they normally offer up some good advice as well! 

I am not sure if I will be able to post over the weekend, will see if I can work that out, but if not, hope everyone has a great weekend, and I will keep you updated!

Let your FAITH be bigger than your FEAR!

Day 4-291.6 pounds

Diet is going pretty good.  Still no major hunger pangs or headaches anymore.  I did try a new recipe this morning, as I have been drinking the Slim-Fast Cappuccino Delight in the morning.  I love McD's Frappe's, so I had a blender given to me by a great friend (since I didn't have one), and all I did was put about 2 cups of ice and the Slim-Fast shake, and blended!  It was amazing.  Turned a 10 oz. bottle of shake into a 22 oz. glass of frappe....  much more volume, took longer to drink, therefore more filling!  

Went to the gym last night.  Walked about 30 minutes on the treadmill.  Also did (only) 1 minute and 15 seconds on the elliptical machine.  As I was talking with my "coaches" (Ashley & Robin ;-) the other night I had mentioned that my knees are not so good, and I had always heard the elliptical is good for low impact but high calorie burn.  But that I also cannot do but maybe a minute or two at a time on there, because it kicks my butt!  It feels like my legs are burning the second it starts turning!  So, they offered the suggestion that if that is something I CAN'T do, that I should do whatever time I could EVERY time I was at the gym.  So, last night was a little over a minute.  I am shooting for 2 minutes tonight!

I am sharing a link to another blog with a recipe on it for a energy "bite".  I have not tried these yet, but this link was shared with me by a good friend who is along for my journey (even if it is from the couch, LOL).  They sound very yummy and are a great idea.  So, I will try them and see what they are, and if you want to try them and let me know what you think....

Here's the link:
http://smashedpeasandcarrots.blogspot.com/2011/08/no-bake-energy-bites-recipe.html

and the recipe is as follows:

No-Bake Energy Bites

1 cup oatmeal

1/2 cup peanut butter (or other nut butter)

1/3 cup honey

1 cup coconut flakes

1/2 cup ground flaxseed

1/2 cup mini chocolate chips

1 tsp vanilla

Mix everything above in a medium bowl until thoroughly incorporated.  Let chill in the refrigerator for half an hour.  Once chilled, roll into balls and enjoy!  Store in an airtight container and keep refrigerated for up to 1 week.

 

 

So, let me know if you try it!  I will let you know as soon as I do.

 

I know I have been doing this diet/exercise plan for a very short time, but I already feel better. I have been having trouble getting up off the couch, my knees would hurt horribly as I tried to put weight on them to get out of the very comfy and cushy sofa.  I was getting up and down last night, doing dishes, making dinner, and doing laundry, and was having no pain in my knees at all.  I was kinda astounded.  

I know there are alot of people out there that have excuses or maybe even medical diagnoses about why they are overweight.  I don't have any of that.  I went to the doctor a couple years ago and got a full physical, no problems with my thyroid or anything.  I was told by my mother years ago that my significant weight gain started when I was about 6 or 7.  I don't really recall, I just knew I was growing.  Supposedly my biological grandmother (who has not really been in the "picture" since about that age, anyway) said something to me about that I needed to go on a diet, because I was getting too fat.  Again, if she said this, she said it to a 6 year old. I don't really know if that is what began my struggle with weight, or the fact that we had hamburgers and french fries for dinner at least once a week, and every other meal consisted of meat, potatoes or noodles, and a SMALL serving of veggies.  Plus all the soda, sweet tea, kool-aid, etc. I wanted.  I don't know, but I would go with the more obvious...

 

I don't have any excuses.  I just ate too much of the wrong things, and didn't exercise.  I don't really think that has anything to do with my parents getting divorced when I was young, or an unexpected (at least to me) baby brother when I was already 9, or the passing of any family member or friend.  Although those things might have contributed to my stress level, and yes...sometimes when we are stressed we eat, but I chose to do that.  I chose to sit down with a plate of Oreos and a glass of milk instead of going for a walk to clear my head.  Those are choices, not excuses!

 

I have always been heavy, except from about the age of 6 or 7 and younger.  Then, I had been skinny as a rail!  I have always been overweight, and that has always been because of choices I made (or when younger, and didn't know better, food choices made by my parents).  I am not saying there are those out there that don't suffer from some sort of disorder (I refrain from using the word disease, as I don't believe it is).  I don't believe alcoholism is a disease, you choose to put those drinks in your hand.  I don't believe that anorexia or bulimia is a disease, as you choose to not eat, or eat and purge.  I DO believe that it is a disorder that you can suffer from, as there are triggers that might make you think and act on something.  I DO believe it is a real condition, but a disease to me is something you catch or something you are born with.  Sorry if I offended anyone, but that is a personal opinion, and you can take it or leave it.  

 

I am excited to be on this journey, I am humbled by all the support I have been given.  I have been asked if I am going to do the Slim-Fast for the whole year.  I don't really have an answer for that.  I am kinda just doing what is working for the moment.  Once my body gets used to having smaller portions, I think I can work into something more long-term (as I don't plan on drinking shakes the rest of my life).  If the shakes stop working or I am not losing steadily, then maybe I will try something different, but for now, I will stick with this.

 

Thanks again for reading!  Again, I am grateful for all the support!  And, yes I will get a picture up soon, just keep forgetting to have someone take a "before" shot!