Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Day 17-289.8 pounds

Had a really good workout last night.  Did the interval walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes, did another 4 minutes on the elliptical, and then did some strength training for another 15-20 minutes.  I wasn't able to talk with the trainer last night, she was working with some clients, but I will talk to her about showing me what to do to maximize my results.  My knee is feeling a bit better, still gives me some fits every now and again.  I started taking some glucosamine/chondroiton stuff, and it seems to be taking effect fairly well.

Dinner last night was leftovers of roast beef, potatoes and carrots.  Still did not reach my 1500 calorie mark.  This morning I tried eating a more caloric snack, and see how that works out.  I don't want to starve my body, therefore making it not want to burn the fat.... definitely the opposite of what I am trying to do!  I want the picture below to be how I feel about myself, but the numbers for me do need to go down considerably before I can not really worry about the "number" and worry about how I feel.

I want the number to not mean as much as it does right now.  Right now it means that I am already at a higher risk for many many health issues.  Luckily, I don't have them (as far as I know, it has been a couple years since my last physical).  And when I get at a healthy weight (not morbidly obese, how I hate those words), I will worry more about my clothes fitting and not worry what the scale says.

I am so tired of losing weight and gaining it back, keeping TONS of clothes in my closet, because I am hoping at some point in time to actually be able to wear them again (or for the first time even).  How sad is it that I have clothes that I bought brand new (without trying them on), and of course they didn't fit... so instead of taking them back and either refunding or exchanging for another size, I have kept them in my closet, always telling myself that I will lose enough weight to wear them. 

I hope that my journey (even if we are only 3 weeks into it) has been a wake up call to some out there.  I know my cousin has done amazing on her journey so far, and her sister (my other cousin) has lost 10 pounds since the first of the year, which is amazing!  I am not trying to be a role model, I am not trying to be just another success story.  I want to change my life, and if that helps others, I am deeply humbled by that:

Even though I know the show Biggest Loser is not the way most people lose weight, I find that to be one of the most uplifting and inspiring shows.  Those are regular people, who have regular jobs, and the same struggles I have had in the past, and continue to have now.  I figure if they can do it, I can too.  I have seen several of them go home (after getting voted out of the house) and coming back for the finale looking better than the ones that stayed on the show.  That means that I don't need a famous trainer or a personal dietitian for this change to be made!

I worry that I am not working out long enough to be able to lose what I want to lose, but I saw this picture the other day, and it is a great motivator:

So I will continue on with my 30 minute walking and some weight training, until (at least) my knee gets to feeling better, and it doesn't feel like my legs are going to fall off, and keep working at it til I build it back up.  It's just one step at a time.  I will get there!

1 comment:

  1. Billie- I wanted to let you know that I really enjoy reading your posts. To put yourself and your feelings out there, is just so AWESOME. I myself have made a decision to change my life. I am determined to lose 60 pounds by the end of the year. Going from 135 to 220 has been really rough on my body and mind. I hope that you are successful in your goal. I am excited to read each post that you make. Makes me feel as if I have succeed a little bit also!

    Keep up the good work.
    Erin Rudner