This failure is done. I am working on my triumph from this moment on. Just like any other addiction, this one will have moments of relapse. I can't be the only one who finds it difficult to eat (or not eat) a certain way all of the sudden. All I can do is own up to what I have done, which is eaten poorly and in the "old ways" and not counted my calories and made the right choices.
I just wish it were easier to remember how I feel after I eat things I am not supposed to. Not only the mental feelings of guilt and such, but the physical feelings, ie. stomach pain, fatigue, etc. I think what would help me out (even just a little bit) is more education and information on cooking healthy. We don't eat alot of vegetables at my house, never have, even when I was a child. I need to "go to school" on what vegetables are better for me, and will feed my family, without them (and me) feeling like I am being punished and made to "eat your vegetables"! I know there are good for me and great tasting ones out there, I just have no idea what they are!
I haven't accomplished much in my life. I am a mother to two of the best boys ever and they are the pride and joy of my life. I am married to the most wonderful man there is, and he makes my days happier. But I only finished one year of college. I haven't really made a career for myself, but have had several jobs that I have liked and loved. I don't have any savings to speak of, I don't have a lot of material possessions (which of course is not really important). I have been happy and I have been sad. I currently am happy, and satisfied in my life, even healthy for what I weigh. I am not happy with my weight, I am not happy with the way I look, and now is the time for change. I will follow through on this goal. I will finish this feat I have taken on.
I know I have let alot of you down, but that is nothing compared to the contempt and disappointment I feel for myself. I will keep on trucking! Keep following, I promise there will be greater loss, as I build confidence in myself!