Thursday, February 23, 2012

Day 53-282.8 pounds

Down another whole pound since yesterday.  YAY!!  I haven't been retaining water like I had been.  Last week and before, I would wake up and my hands almost hurt because they were so swollen.  This week has been different.  I wake up and they are NORMAL!!  Not sure what the difference is, haven't really been doing anything different, but...

Worked out with a friend last night.  She is kinda like me when I first started, very self conscious about going to the gym and working out beside the fit people.  I told her that you can't think like that, you just gotta get in there and do what you need to do for you.  I have been going to the gym consistently for almost 2 months now, and have never had the feeling that someone is watching me, or if they are watching me, it's not in a negative way.  The other people don't care what you look like.  They are there to their thing, you have to be there to do yours.  That's what matters.

I have been pretty good with my food choices.  I have girl scout cookies someone gave me, and I should have said no, should have given them to someone else, but I just can't.  So I have been eating them, but I have been sticking to the portions listed on the box.  Everything you might want is acceptable, as long as it is in moderation.  That is the hardest thing to learn for me.   Normally, I could sit down with a box of Caramel Delights (Samoas) and eat the whole thing in one sitting.  Who knew that a serving size is ONLY 2 COOKIES?!?!  I have learned to read labels, watching the calories, fat, and sodium for the most part.  I have to remember that I am not super-human, I will make mistakes.  You cannot dwell on that.  You have to forgive yourself and just move on.  That's what I have never done in the past.  I ruined a diet, so I quit the diet.  I ate bad for one day, or one meal, and just gave up!

We all deserve to be fit and healthy.  We all make our own choices and those choices decide how we live.  Do you want to live life on the sidelines?  I have two growing boys, who are VERY active.  I love watching their games, but I would love to be able to help them practice.  I don't want to live on the sidelines anymore.  I want to be a mom that my kids can tell their friends about.... my mom (and dad, of course) took us on an awesome hike, or.... my mom & dad played catch with us for hours, or.... you get the drift!  

If you are not working for something you want, then you don't deserve it.  You have to know your own worth.  I want this goal so bad, and I will work my tail off to achieve it and maintain it.  I deserve to be fit.  I will WORK to be fit.  

I want to be the person I am inside.  I want to be the person my husband tells me everyday that I am (he sees it, I believe him, but don't really feel it...).  My husband has loved me through thick and thin.  Mostly thick, as even when we started dating I was overweight.  He has always told me I am a beautiful and sexy woman.  And I am glad that is what he sees.  Because I would never want him to see me through my eyes.  But I am gaining the self worth, I am gaining the self-confidence.  It is nowhere near perfect, but it is better than it was a year ago.  I haven't been "fit" or "skinny" since I was in grade school (like 2nd grade), so I don't know what I CAN look like.  At the end of my journey, no matter what the scale says, I will be proud of what I have accomplished.  I will eventually be "FIT", even if the scale doesn't go as low as my expectations.  

It is a gorgeous day in the Ozarks today.  Hope everyone can get outside and enjoy the weather.  Another round of scooter soccer for us tonight.  Have a great day!  

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