Day 37-287.6 pounds

Weight is the same as yesterday.  Again, I am disappointed.  I have to do something to change my way of thinking.  I have always been that instant gratification person.  I have nothing in my savings account.  I don't wait for the rainy day.  I want what I want, when I want it!  How do you change that mindset??  


I have never been great on willpower.  
If I want a piece (or two) of cake, I had it.  
If I wanted two (or three or four) slices of pizza, I had it.  
If I wanted two (or ten) Dr. Pepper's a day, I had it.  


Well, this is it!  I have HAD IT with this!  I am ready for the change, so I am just going to have it, do it, achieve it!

Are you ready for the change?  
What did I get when I had that cake?  ADDED POUNDS
What did I get when I had that pizza?  ADDED POUNDS
What did I get when I had that soda?  ADDED POUNDS 


What am I trying to do now?  Lose those pounds and get healthier.  What did they actually get me?  Less years, health concerns, and self-loathing.  WHO WANTS THAT?!?

I agree with the above statement, but for some of you, it is hard to believe it about yourself.  You may say this, you may post it on Pinterest or Facebook.  But do you believe it about YOURSELF?  I don't yet.  But I believe it a little more than I did last month.


"The week" is making me a bit emotional!  I am so disappointed in myself for not having more self control over the weekend.  I am angry with myself for allowing those calories to be consumed by me.  I felt so horrible yesterday. I felt like I needed to get sick.  I felt my stomach rumble, because there was so much stuff crammed into that it was no longer used to!  I was on the verge of calling into work because of it.  I was sluggish.  I was bitchy.  I was sad that I let that happen.  I thought I had been so strong.  


For us moms, it is horrible and hurtful when we let our spouse or our children down, but OK when we let ourselves down?  How is that right?  Why are we playing second fiddle in our own life?  Now is the time to take charge.  Now is the time to be healthy.  And if that means by kids are home alone for another hour before I get there, then that's not really OK, but it's going to have to be for now.  They understand my journey.  We talked to them before we started it.  It does upset me that I don't get home until almost 6:30 or 7:00 sometimes, but for now, I would rather take that extra hour, and give myself the gift of a workout, so I can give them their mother for many, many more years.  

My eyes are set on the goal.  There are ALOT of stones left in the "pounds to lose" jar!  But there are SOME in the "pounds lost" jar.  I will make it, and so will you.  


I am sure I will have another relapse sometime down the road.  The difference between now and a year ago, 2 years ago, 10 years ago.... is that I will regain my footing on the path I have made, and not just wander aimlessly in that relapse.


Hope everyone has a blessed day!